Valentine’s Day Blues?

I couldn’t help but notice how many people are shocked and taken away from the fact of me mentioning that I am single and have been.  When I reply that I am focusing on me, being a parent or my career…above all which encompasses learning to love myself, it turns into a game of back and forth where I am nearly crucified for embracing my solidarity. I am not saying that I don’t want to get married or fall in love or heck get laid even.  However those things I am noticing are pointless if I’m not prepared to receive them.


Most people enter a relationship with the idea that they can make someone else happy, unaware if the feeling will be returned. We are so tired of being alone that we forget how valued we are as individuals. We settle. I have been there…so caught up in my fantasy that I missed seeing how not only damaged my relationships were but how damaged I was.


Now I could go on and on about how we are not built to pick perfect relationships and how we create cycles of bad partnerships but I ain’t a specialist and this isn’t an advice column.  I just know about my own situation and how I had to learn to deal with it. But what prompted me to write about the most commercialized day to profess love was the bitterness I saw on social media. From posts about not wanting to see others post/talk about significant others to infidelity to so-called empowerment…etc, and the list went on.  But on top of all of that was the need to prove who and how much we love someone.

sucks to be you

Now it took me a while to pull away from new/pagan/western/man-made holidays in order to focus on that of my faith.  Despite that, it still isn’t horrible for those who do decide to celebrate in any modern holiday.  Trust me I am not judging.  But what was the bottom line was the fact that I was creating the tools for my own destruction and falling into the hype that I had to. And it started with one question, “Why are we so worried about holidays and how others celebrate them with respect to us?” And then I asked myself why do we need to measure our own selves by how others treat us? What do we have to prove?

Does celebrating or not celebrating Valentine’s Day make you any less loved? Does celebrating Mother’s day make me any less of a mom?


The answer is no!

Sure it’s all fine and dandy to be thought of but at the end of the day, if I’m not…life goes on!  We place value on so much of the mundane and we rob ourselves of so much.  Despite being a proponent of loving oneself, that doesn’t mean we don’t in turn obsess over ourselves and crave attention from others for ourselves.  Instead of finding real fulfillment in life, we stack our worth over what society or rituals today way we are worth. And in turn, It’s pure and simple, we create our own suffering.  We are told at a young age that if a boy or girl does XYZ, that they like us; you have to prove your love for your significant other by doing certain things or submitting completely; or my fav, if so and so doesn’t do XYZ for you, then they don’t love you like they should; Or even better, if you don’t get attention or a gift on a holiday, you’re not important or you don’t matter.


Why it took me this long to see how fucked up that shit was is beyond me. You can blame the movies for the delusions they sell or your parents.  Doesn’t matter how you got to this point as much as how you intend on getting out of it.

Maybe we all hit rock bottom before we see the light and have the will to climb out of that very despondency. Whatever the motivation, I knew for myself that I needed to pull myself away from that detrimental thought pattern.  And so I made changes to pull that shit outta my mind frame. I knew that I deserved the best but not from a significant other but from myself.  I did for others not for something back in return even if it was intangible like love or fidelity. I do in service for others because it simply feels good.  I take care of myself not to look good for someone else but because it makes me feel great about myself.

It was as simple as this… I stopped obsessing over myself.  I stopped worrying about what I had to prove.  I stopped worrying about what I didn’t have. I stopped beating myself up over why I wasn’t being treated better by others.  I stopped begging for acceptance and love from others. I finally stopped expecting and began accepting.  It was here I learned to appreciate life. I learned that before I could be loved by others, I had to truly love myself.


….and then instead of being bitter, I became better.

Well Until Next Time Kiddies


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Me Myself & I


I recently went out on a date not too (too) long ago and while it was a fun time, not to mention me having a good time for once, I must admit I thought I would’ve felt more happy or something in good company. All I could think about was all the shit I had to do afterwards, my writing and Call of Duty. At first I thought it was him. But then I went on another date and it wasn’t their company either. I mean she was awesome too.

Then it dawned on me that the problem or shall I say in this example, solution…was me. So when I found time, I did a little experiment. I went out on a dinner date solo (yep all by myself) and guess what?

I really fucking loved it!

Now I am not conceited or stuck or on myself or even a narcissist. And don’t get me wrong, I do like being a social butterfly. However, what I came to realize is that I enjoy me, myself and I. While this has made me a tad introverted, I won’t lie, it shed light on a particular thing that I’ve ignored… which was the fact I had spent too much time & the best years of my adult life on people (who were in my life longer than they deserved to be). No matter what my foolery, I clung onto the ideology that I need to be partnered with someone and that being single is the most horrible thing ever.

Now I am not saying that I want to be alone the remainder of my days or unmarried. But I figure the reason why I spent so much time unhappy within in a relationship was not only because of the men (or women) I chose but because how I saw myself while with them. To quote Perks of Being a Wallflower: “…we accept the love we think we deserve…” Even if we don’t know it, often times we deserve better but we bounce from relationship to relationship without giving ourselves adequate time to heal and find true love. Somewhere down the line we eventually feel like shit about it and the cycle repeats itself later on. We search for answers in faith, friends, family, work or whatever everywhere but within the soul.

And this quest doesn’t have to have a timestamp. Think about the fact that we spend half our lives searching for for the right one, the rest of our lives dealing with that decision and whatever is left trying to find ourselves.

I came to the conclusion until I am where and who I want to be not to mention ready to share myself and welcome others, I have no intention on being with anyone in any shape form or fashion. Call me selfish but I am only halfway there & I don’t intend on messing it up with random or casual sex either. Because we as human are so addicted to companionship that we are OK with being a side-piece or abused/neglected by others. And if I’m allowed to play Devil’s Advocate, we also screw things up for others because we’re not truly ready to open ourselves up… oblivious to it even.

When you first become happy with yourself, then you will be truly happy with others. More importantly, we learn to no longer settle. Now there may be some of you that are at that point already…and I applaud you but this here is my official (if not 10th) time in life to find myself. And I ain’t getting any younger so I need get my shit together soon.

Besides if you can’t be happy with you and you alone…why or how do you expect someone else to be happy with you? At this point in my life, I am more worried about the time I’ve wasted with the wrong one than what I “wasted” by myself thus far. Because trust me, the time I have spent single has been everything but wasted. Shit, while so many of us females, especially black females are out here talking about how happy we are by saying that we don’t know where we’d be without “him” we hide the possibility that we could probably be much farther in life. It’s not to say the bad relationships aren’t lessons but often times we stretch shit longer than we should.


So I am going to sit back and sip my wine…enjoy some more writing, gaming, travelling and everything life has to offer but moreso I intend to continue discovering what makes me awesome. It’s okay to be a little selfish and to be alone with your thoughts. Use that time to mold those thoughts into positive ones.

Oh and not to dig too deep… there will be people who think that you are selfish because you want more “me” time. However there’s nothing wrong with that. It is totally okay. Don’t become a hermit in the hills or anything…that is just overkill still do not let others rush you. And definetly don’t let them trick you into thinking that you are an asshole because you tell them no for whatever. You are not obligated to be or do things with people. Some folks who are in turn afraid to be solo (or tired of it) and will force you to believe that you should be too…


But that’s not so! Saying no doesn’t make you selfish especially if you’re always saying yes! So sit back folks, enjoy the show and just wait for it…

Well Until Next Time Kiddies


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Top fav horror movies 2017

review rant

OK OK I know this post is a few days old but… In my defense I have been battling a sinus infection so when it came to filming my review video… I thought I should pass on you guys seeing me like this.

I rarely get sick but when I do…it’s not pretty!wp-image-1648026083

But here goes my count for the best 2017 horror flicks!it's awesome


Any movie that I am not only willing to sit through twice but pay for more than once deserves to be numero uno. This movie had suspense, enough blood, and had me a tad paranoid to visit any of my white friends out of town. I won’t lie I had my doubts about Jordan Peele making a horror movie but it lived up to the hype. Slap yourself if you haven’t seen it by now.


IT was the flick I had been dying to see ever since reading the majority of the book as a kid and seeing the mini-series. I was so glad to see some of the crazy shit from the book on screen. I mean a family TV station in the 80s/90s airing Stephen King? I mean it was good but c’mon without Tim Curry or my childhood crush, Jonathan Brandis from Neverending Story 2 or Ladybugs (Jonathan Brandis) I probably would’ve never watched. But I love this flick and all the hype that came with it was definitely lived up to.


This was definitely M. Night’s claim back to the throne. It was a great suspenseful horror flick without relying on overloads of gore and jump scares. James McAvoy was awesome as crazy ass Kevin and that girl from the witch was perfectly cast as the “survivor girl” I just wish we could’ve seen the other 20 personalities up close, et cetera. LOL


A movie with my dream guy Ryan Reynolds who dies off and I am still in tune… Yep he died playing his usual snarky self in the space thriller. As far as space flicks go, I was probably more in tune with this that Aliens because it had me enthralled and the ending…sheesh! I like a good bleak and ending of doom towards earth. That little shit Calvin (the Martian species) was the best kind of killer, no speech and no emotion!


I pretty much thought the first Annabelle movie sucked. I went in with low expectations thinking I know what they wanted to do with this creepy ass doll but It felt poorly put together. This prequel did not…where they failed, Annabelle 2 got it right. Just the like the Ouija prequel will always outshine its predecessor, we see what happens when folks take the source material and not rush to cash in but tell a story worth watching. It finally told the tale of a Demon using this doll as a conduit like it should’ve in the first flick. Because Lord knows we only have need for one killer doll running around and his movie didn’t make this list.


I only saw this flick because my friend hates scary movies and Annabelle had left theaters by the time my birthday had come around. The Jason flick we were promised was canned and I figured what the hell. I must say, I was entertained. What I thought would be cliche and predictable was actually kind of fun and had me going. Movie had me thinking I may need to re-enroll in college should my daughter pledge a sorority.


I watched this one night while scrolling on Netflix looking for a horror flick. I will say it was one of those ominous flicks that kept you wigged out the whole time. Not over the top gore or scares but what I miss about classic horror…creep factor! Thomas Jane is almost unrecognizable as this post WW1 farmer who kills his wife and is pretty much haunted by it until the end and not just supernaturally. Karma simply hates this guy. Should’ve known this came from my fav author Stephen King.


I literally watched this the other day after trying to find a movie to put up here to replace Amityville Awakening, which only would’ve made the cut because the kid from Shameless was in it. Anyway this is pretty much Home Alone if Kevin was a little older. Because let’s face it, that fucker was demented to have thought up those “pre-Jigsaw-type” traps for those poor robbers.


Let’s face it. Who wouldn’t want to kill some prick that you had to put up with for 8 hours a day? I’ve worked plenty of jobs where I wanted to throw a stapler at somoen for no good reason. This movie really doesn’t give me the justification of doing that like Clerks or Office Space but…it’s still pretty cool Well this movie which pretty much didn’t have the greatest plot in the world still had enough gore, witty banter, and twist enough to keep me entertained.


This was a funny tongue-in-cheek horror flick that you have to be a moron to take seriously. I enjoyed watching this King Bach was hilarious as expected. I watched this with very little expectations and glad that it didn’t have a whole lot of jump scares or unnecessary back story. It was a fun tale and kept me entertained. If you have Netflix…check it out!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies


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New year! New me?


Nope, I am still the same sarcastic, cynical, mistake making, horror loving, drinking, writing arsehole  you and I have both grown to love. (yes I said arse).


That’s not to say that I don’t want to make improvements or changes in my life for the better such as the fitness thing, financial, spiritual, etc.  But this statement cracks me up.  People make resolutions to make changes that they rarely stick with.  Why wait? What’s the point?

I mean if you want to change some aspect of your life, then why the dramatics? Wake your ass up and make a conscious choice to change for whatever reasons.  No need to wait? I mean why wait to be the person you want to be when you can be that person today? Besides if you want to get technical, the new year traditionally starts with spring or something for you lunar calendar people who don’t rely on the ol’ Gregorian calendar to make choices.


I mean people make promises to do shit everyday and to what extent the decide to stick with it is usually forgotten by Valentines Day if not, MLK day.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not here to “Bah Humbug your effort to make positive life changes but honestly, if you wanted to, I mean really, really wanted to, then you would not wait. Keep it real.  Most folks want to lose weight or make more money but don’t want to make the effort towards those goals.  You can’t or won’t lose weight while not being active and stuffing your face with junk food/soda/etc. If you’re not going to work towards a lucrative financial situation (a better job/career/business venture) or at the very least save some damn money, you won’t be financially comfortable or at least prepared for that raining day.  This is especially so if you are constantly one to order out or go out every weekend.

It this simple people, Changes warrant well… changes!!! It’s a known my strongest opinion (and probably a fact in most cultures…lol) that when any individual procrastinates making a change of some sort, it is because they are afraid to or simply do not want to.  Why they do not want to is perhaps a matter of being comfortable in what the current situation is or using it as a crutch.  Why lose weight when you can use it as a disability or be lazy & not wake up? Why not start a business? Or get a lucrative career when you can rely on handouts or is it fear of change? No matter what it is, we allow these “security blankets” to hinder whatever resolution we are putting off in the first place.

stress-relax post it

If you want to cut people off, stop bending over, being taken for granted by folks, then leave those people behind today not January 1st.  Why keep beating a dead horse? Why continue to allow people to feed on your vibes and energy? And not to play Devil’s advocate but if you constantly asking why people don’t want to be bothered with you, why your phone doesn’t ring or get notifications, or why you’re bored and alone while the world spins… Then sweetie, please evaluate YOURSELF…like ASAP! Everyone can’t be the culprit so stop the victim act and get YOUR life together! Instead of feeling sorry, wallowing in self-pity or regret, let go of the past and find so happiness in your miserable existence…. Then maybe (just maybe) folks won’t be hesitant to pick up the phone when you call or hell they may just throw you an invite!

That’s just my advice… There’s is no time like the present & the future isn’t promised. So what are you waiting for? Stop procrastinating and start your come-up TODAY!!!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies



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Hollywood vs. Washington DC


So today’s Red Forman award doesn’t go to anyone in particular.  It’s rather pointless to single out anyone. However there are some dumb fucks out here.  If not dumb fucks, at the very least, ignorant or perhaps naive.

I am going to get straight to the point?

How the fuck can we as a whole nation of citizens condemn and curse Hollywood but at the same time turn a blind eye to DC? I mean Capital Hill and Tinseltown have always had one thing in common and that’s been powerful men… Powerful, white men to be exact. Men as far as history tells us, have always used money, power, fear (sometimes respect) to conquer others. It’s nothing new.  The only thing shocking about it these days is that instead of whispering, folks are coming forward left and right with allegations and accusations.  Every time I turn around, I hear about someone in the indusrty who was forced to partake in some kinky shit.

First Bill Cosby and now pretty much every famous dude like…ever!

But all that being said, we are talking actors, producers, directors and any other media moguls being thrown under the bus for some shit they did decades ago.  Putting their trusted friends/families & loved ones in awkward positions. I mean how do you stand by someone who molested another person? But to the same extent do you suddenly stop loving someone you are related to or partnered to for years after some shit happens? Do you support them in their time of need or cuss their asses out for being nasty & stupid?

But let’s keep it 100 for a second!!!

We all know about the sexual misconduct on the director’s “couch” that goes on in Hollywood! We see & hear stories about women (and men) who will do anything to make it big to get famous. I mean once that question rolls out “How bad do you want it?” and people pretty much throw all inhibitions out of the window for that big break. Does it make it right? No but how guilty can the guilty be if one plays victim after the fact?

That being said we take a turn to the east coast and look at the victims of those in a different seat of power, fucking politicians! Who could be worse than they are? They use not only money but the law itself to protect them from well the law! That being said Mr. ‘Grab ’em By The Pussy’ is our fucking Commander-in-Chief! He has a whole laundry list of shitty offenses that should not only strip him of his title/job but land him in jail! She, he even dodge the draft back in the day.  To this day they condemn the previous president and his citizen ship…like WTF? I really wasn’t previous president biggest fan but I don’t doubt his loyalty or at the very least cultural ethnicity.

It is no secret that I have very little respect or admiration for President Trump, in fact I think I rather loathe the guy. With that being said although I was trying to avoid a political post, there are some thoughts…

First of all why the fuck hasn’t he been impeached or the victim of an assassination attempt?  He has overturned laws in place by his predecessor that not only protected the environment, ecosystems, animals and well us humans, but he has offended other country leaders, turned a blind eye to his own citizens in times of crisis, increased the racial tension in this country (which I’m actually glad about in an odd way)… Hold up before you trip… I am only happy that Trump’s election exposed racists in this country. Why? Because now I know who they are.  Now that they are comfortable enough to no longer hide behind fake smiles & gestures…I know who to keep my eye on (in case I need to set it off in this bitch)


No but honestly, wouldn’t you rather know who your enemies are?

That aside, how many times has a victim come forward with claims of abuse or sexual misconduct, even if infidelity by the hands of a politician? And then go through a series of taunts and ridicule…only to have all his bullshit swept under a rug or forgotten?

bitch blog kitty


Well Until Next Time Kiddies


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Are We All BiPolar?


I think I am fucking bipolar.

I haven’t been clinically diagnosed but it recently dawned on me… One minute, I’m manic and overjoy

Then the next, I hate the fucking world.|

Now don’t worry about me, I’m fully functional and all.  I just think there’s a tiny misfire somewhere in my head. Is this a cry for help or is it me coming down off of my own high? Is this me pulling your leg or trying to lean on your shoulder. I only ask because there is no way one could withstand the level of fuckery that I do with a smile….unless I am without a doubt fucking loony?!?

That being said, I am fine. Despite life’s ups and downs, I am blessed.

I know that mental health is no joking matter but if I am struggling around a few emotions stirred with a few events that affect my mood day to day, I wonder how it is for those who cannot deal? I mean I keep it together on the outside, I meditate and focus my energy but I know that in the back of my head, if unchecked I am a ticking time bomb.

Take a moment to ponder…

Imagine being trapped inside of your own head or a prisoner of your own emotions… but instead of having a way to channel them or controlling them…they control you.

Imagine clinging to only the good memories others made for you because you lost yourself in them.  You did this only to escape yourself and in turn pushed them all away.

There are voices in your head telling you one thing or another.  You don’t know who/what to listen to or not. The consume every part of you.

They control the relationships you form or destroy.  Like a drug, you’re addicted to the chaos of your own malicious mind.

And then one day you wake up, happy and refreshed.  You have a new outlook on life. Everything is without a doubt beautiful. Things no longer haunt, hurt or anger you. You are free to do whatever you want and you have a newfound confidence.

And then fear sets it, that at any moments time, it can all go away and you will be back to being miserable and being controlled by your own demons.

Scary shit, right?

Regardless of such, I know one thing is a constant…

No matter what I’m dealing with, no matter how good it gets or bad it turns out…

Writing will always be my go to weapon of choice. Whether I need to cry, vent or kill someone (er…just joking), I know that I can fully express myself here. My silent but deadly voice.

Well Until Next Time Kiddies


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How to play Perfection

I guess I could file this under Hump Day Thought of the Week!

I think it sucks we set ourselves up for failure by assuming what could/should happen instead of preparing what does.

 Well til next time kiddies…


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