The Single Status Sentence

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Although this isn’t really a writing on the wall per se. Still I am tagging it such because this is more than a mere random thought. It pertains to some real world, life shit and that would-be-dreaded life sentence of being single.

Why the hell is it so important to have and to hold? Often I wonder what is the point!

This post was inspired by an interaction I had with some fellow. He wanted to get to know me and honestly, I wanted to be on my way. But when he said he was single and I said that I was too, he quickly responded, let me fix that! Like WHAAAT? WTF? I’m not broken. I knew what his intentions were so I wasn’t upset and so I responded that, there was nothing to fix. Personally I think it’s hogwash!

I don’t think being single or in a relationship is what people make it out to be. Personally for me, I am happy being unhitched. The reason I chose to stay single was because I learned the value of truly loving myself. Besides who knows what you settle on trying to find somebody. Now I am not saying I want to be “alone” forever or shackled up… I am however definitely glad & damn sure I want to be sucka-free and fuckboy free!

I know some of you think that my past relationships have made me bitter but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m actually “better” because I am not upset or pissed about the folks who I devoted my time to. For a while I kicked myself for allowing my time to be wasted. But I look back appreciating the blessing in the lesson. I finally learned what I deserve and what I refuse to put up with. I am just focused on how I spend my time with myself before I concern myself with who. Now some of you who have been single for years on end (or impatiently months) may think it’s the worst thing ever. But not me!

Why?

Because being single is not a life sentence nor is it a status to judge your life by. Being alone is different than being lonely. Being single means you are strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on another soul to create that happiness for you. Besides who is better at knowing what I want?

Me!

While there may be some tasks that are better with more than a party of one. There are ways and friends waiting to be made in the world. Swap it up, hang with a few select folks in your spare time…figure it out. Instead of waiting on someone to do it for you, why not do it for yourself?

We have allowed the world to convince us that doing things by ourselves is bad & codependency is the way to go. That is the dumbest shit ever when you think about it! Now if you have a life partner who you don’t mind being with that makes you happy, that’s awesome. If you have friends that you kick it with, also awesome. If you have things you like to do alone that give you peace, also awesome! And you know what’s ultra awesome about all of those things is that, you can mix them up at the same time…well not exactly…but there is no rule saying that you have to be sired to just one.

We all say it but rarely do we ever actually do what it takes to make our own selves happy. I took a vow to eat better, spend money wiser, be active, stop procrastinating, do things that made me happy and lastly stop stressing. (Working on that last one)

It’s not easy putting yourself first or even on occasion saying no to the things that don’t bring you some kind of peace or flat out irk the living shit out of you.

Yep…you are not required to be involved in everything or with everyone.

Today’s the day that I not only reached a fitness milestone (-30 lbs)

Importantly, 8-9 months ago, I had just got out of a relationship (although it ended without me knowing much sooner…guess that’s how cheaters roll). It took me a while to not be bitter and simmer in the hurt & pain not to mention I use that towards a positive and better me. But the most important thing about today was that it makes 6 months after I truly decided to reclaim myself (I gave myself a month or so to get right). I mean if you don’t love yourself, your inner awesomeness will continue to be blocked by the “need” to be with someone. Not that it’s anything wrong with companionship but let’s face it, loving yourself prevents you from chasing people who won’t or don’t love you either. It also makes you strong enough to wait for the right one…even if Mr/Ms Right is you.

You know when you’re being treated wrong, so why put up with it?

Learn to love your inner Vixen, Wonder Woman or whoever inspires your fire. Just look at me in a year’s time… Changes happen for a reason. And if you don’t believe that, then remember this… If you’re life starts to get better after you leave people and things alone…then you’re on the right track.

Lastly remember being happy is not just a mantra I say, it’s something I intend on staying no matter what the circumstances. I remember looking at myself and whispering you deserve better but never believing it and possibly feeling I deserved it. I rather be solo than be in a fake ass relationship anyway so instead of rebounding or trying to get back on the road towards a spousal horse, I am using the time to grow!

I found myself pissed off recently because someone didn’t understand me and on top of that, we failed to communicate.

Honestly, it’s fucking retarded to be upset or react to another reaction that wasn’t the one you thought you should get. That alone proved I am not ready to be with anybody.

So to that guy, I wasn’t trying to shoot you down because I felt better than you. It was because I am still on my path that doesn’t have room for anyone else yet. I may inspire along the way but the truth is I still have a ways to go. And that goes for anyone…don’t let life pass you by!! Go get your happiness…

Next on my bucket list: Seeing the world, Thrill seeking shit like race car driving, acting & skydiving!!!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

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Valentine’s Day Blues?

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I couldn’t help but notice how many people are shocked and taken away from the fact of me mentioning that I am single and have been.  When I reply that I am focusing on me, being a parent or my career…above all which encompasses learning to love myself, it turns into a game of back and forth where I am nearly crucified for embracing my solidarity. I am not saying that I don’t want to get married or fall in love or heck get laid even.  However those things I am noticing are pointless if I’m not prepared to receive them.

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Most people enter a relationship with the idea that they can make someone else happy, unaware if the feeling will be returned. We are so tired of being alone that we forget how valued we are as individuals. We settle. I have been there…so caught up in my fantasy that I missed seeing how not only damaged my relationships were but how damaged I was.

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Now I could go on and on about how we are not built to pick perfect relationships and how we create cycles of bad partnerships but I ain’t a specialist and this isn’t an advice column.  I just know about my own situation and how I had to learn to deal with it. But what prompted me to write about the most commercialized day to profess love was the bitterness I saw on social media. From posts about not wanting to see others post/talk about significant others to infidelity to so-called empowerment…etc, and the list went on.  But on top of all of that was the need to prove who and how much we love someone.

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Now it took me a while to pull away from new/pagan/western/man-made holidays in order to focus on that of my faith.  Despite that, it still isn’t horrible for those who do decide to celebrate in any modern holiday.  Trust me I am not judging.  But what was the bottom line was the fact that I was creating the tools for my own destruction and falling into the hype that I had to. And it started with one question, “Why are we so worried about holidays and how others celebrate them with respect to us?” And then I asked myself why do we need to measure our own selves by how others treat us? What do we have to prove?

Does celebrating or not celebrating Valentine’s Day make you any less loved? Does celebrating Mother’s day make me any less of a mom?

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The answer is no!

Sure it’s all fine and dandy to be thought of but at the end of the day, if I’m not…life goes on!  We place value on so much of the mundane and we rob ourselves of so much.  Despite being a proponent of loving oneself, that doesn’t mean we don’t in turn obsess over ourselves and crave attention from others for ourselves.  Instead of finding real fulfillment in life, we stack our worth over what society or rituals today way we are worth. And in turn, It’s pure and simple, we create our own suffering.  We are told at a young age that if a boy or girl does XYZ, that they like us; you have to prove your love for your significant other by doing certain things or submitting completely; or my fav, if so and so doesn’t do XYZ for you, then they don’t love you like they should; Or even better, if you don’t get attention or a gift on a holiday, you’re not important or you don’t matter.

Why?

Why it took me this long to see how fucked up that shit was is beyond me. You can blame the movies for the delusions they sell or your parents.  Doesn’t matter how you got to this point as much as how you intend on getting out of it.

Maybe we all hit rock bottom before we see the light and have the will to climb out of that very despondency. Whatever the motivation, I knew for myself that I needed to pull myself away from that detrimental thought pattern.  And so I made changes to pull that shit outta my mind frame. I knew that I deserved the best but not from a significant other but from myself.  I did for others not for something back in return even if it was intangible like love or fidelity. I do in service for others because it simply feels good.  I take care of myself not to look good for someone else but because it makes me feel great about myself.

It was as simple as this… I stopped obsessing over myself.  I stopped worrying about what I had to prove.  I stopped worrying about what I didn’t have. I stopped beating myself up over why I wasn’t being treated better by others.  I stopped begging for acceptance and love from others. I finally stopped expecting and began accepting.  It was here I learned to appreciate life. I learned that before I could be loved by others, I had to truly love myself.

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….and then instead of being bitter, I became better.

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

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New year! New me?

DIW RANDOM THOUGHTS

Nope, I am still the same sarcastic, cynical, mistake making, horror loving, drinking, writing arsehole  you and I have both grown to love. (yes I said arse).

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That’s not to say that I don’t want to make improvements or changes in my life for the better such as the fitness thing, financial, spiritual, etc.  But this statement cracks me up.  People make resolutions to make changes that they rarely stick with.  Why wait? What’s the point?

I mean if you want to change some aspect of your life, then why the dramatics? Wake your ass up and make a conscious choice to change for whatever reasons.  No need to wait? I mean why wait to be the person you want to be when you can be that person today? Besides if you want to get technical, the new year traditionally starts with spring or something for you lunar calendar people who don’t rely on the ol’ Gregorian calendar to make choices.

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I mean people make promises to do shit everyday and to what extent the decide to stick with it is usually forgotten by Valentines Day if not, MLK day.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not here to “Bah Humbug your effort to make positive life changes but honestly, if you wanted to, I mean really, really wanted to, then you would not wait. Keep it real.  Most folks want to lose weight or make more money but don’t want to make the effort towards those goals.  You can’t or won’t lose weight while not being active and stuffing your face with junk food/soda/etc. If you’re not going to work towards a lucrative financial situation (a better job/career/business venture) or at the very least save some damn money, you won’t be financially comfortable or at least prepared for that raining day.  This is especially so if you are constantly one to order out or go out every weekend.

It this simple people, Changes warrant well… changes!!! It’s a known my strongest opinion (and probably a fact in most cultures…lol) that when any individual procrastinates making a change of some sort, it is because they are afraid to or simply do not want to.  Why they do not want to is perhaps a matter of being comfortable in what the current situation is or using it as a crutch.  Why lose weight when you can use it as a disability or be lazy & not wake up? Why not start a business? Or get a lucrative career when you can rely on handouts or is it fear of change? No matter what it is, we allow these “security blankets” to hinder whatever resolution we are putting off in the first place.

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If you want to cut people off, stop bending over, being taken for granted by folks, then leave those people behind today not January 1st.  Why keep beating a dead horse? Why continue to allow people to feed on your vibes and energy? And not to play Devil’s advocate but if you constantly asking why people don’t want to be bothered with you, why your phone doesn’t ring or get notifications, or why you’re bored and alone while the world spins… Then sweetie, please evaluate YOURSELF…like ASAP! Everyone can’t be the culprit so stop the victim act and get YOUR life together! Instead of feeling sorry, wallowing in self-pity or regret, let go of the past and find so happiness in your miserable existence…. Then maybe (just maybe) folks won’t be hesitant to pick up the phone when you call or hell they may just throw you an invite!

That’s just my advice… There’s is no time like the present & the future isn’t promised. So what are you waiting for? Stop procrastinating and start your come-up TODAY!!!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

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shalom

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How to play Perfection

I guess I could file this under Hump Day Thought of the Week!

I think it sucks we set ourselves up for failure by assuming what could/should happen instead of preparing what does.


 Well til next time kiddies…

Shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer

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Afterwards

Right about now… That statement, that moment when you’re thinking about the other person wondering if they’re thinking about you… 

You’ve been hurt, angered and hurt again… The sheer thought of being ok shreds your heart to pieces.

And then all of the dust settles, the shock has settled in…you find yourself at a moment when you want to pick up the phone and call/text the other person. It was a habit for so long and despite that they left or hurt you, you’re still simply missing them. But you don’t call. You don’t text. You do nothing.

You tell yourself you’re gonna be ok. But for now it feels like it’s gonna be forever to never that you do.

You sit there with that lump building in your throat & tears forming in your eyes.

Well til next time kiddies…

Shalom 

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I’m ok… No really I’M NOT OK

 

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Are you stressed? Are you at your wits end? Are you unhappy? Are you unjustified? Well you are not alone…whether you suck at time management, love, relationships, money or heck even school… You are like the thousands if not millions whose stress levels and blood pressure are through the roof!

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Well I am no doctor or Zen master but I can say there are a few things I and we can do to get through it without a stroke or spontaneously combusting!

Well worry not because the things that stress you will be there regardless if you worry or not.  At least with the latter, you give yourself the opportunity to devise a plan to get away from your stressors!

It doesn’t have to be as pricey as a all-inclusive cruise. It can be a stroll, short drive (if gas level permits).

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Until Next Time Kiddies…Shalom!

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Mid-life Crisis: Guess What? You’re Not in Your 20s Anymore!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Graduation day: Four years of high school & memories made! All the drama & adolescent fun now behind you, your eyes set on a myriad of future possibilities, the world is your oyster and you’re ready to take it on full speed ahead! For some folks it’s a dreams come true.
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For the rest of us…well…
Fast forward 20 years!!

FUCK!

Here you are sitting at a job you most likely despise to pay bills & buy shit you don’t need for assholes you probably don’t like! Or worst you tried to live your dream & either some stupid mistakes impaled it or your screwed up somewhere. You may be broke or even incarcerated. Maybe it was society? Maybe it was a series if bad decisions. Perhaps peer pressure or just the fucked up possibility that shit just happens!

Either way you’ve come to the realization that your life has passed you by & if you’re lucky it added on about 20 lbs. or so to boot. You’ve maybe even tried to smarten up & save money for a rainy day or special moment. But if life has taught you anything, it’s that you’re caught in a constant shit storm with no umbrella! 💩☔

Cue in mid-life crisis!

It’s that perpetual rat race where you know your strides are longer than everyone else’s & though your legs seem to be longer or moving quicker than most, face it you’re going nowhere & fast!
Things started so well & promising. Shit things may have even faired well for a while but the possibility of poor choices fucked it up for you.
Quite simply you’re unhappy. Everyone else seems to be winning but you. It’s ok though, it gets better. There’s always chocolate cake & ice cream day in the nursing home in about another 40 years or so from now!

What the hell went wrong? Life was so promising!

But there’s hope! The race isn’t over. You still got gas in the tank & there’s life in you yet. Behold there is a God and there is a solution out there somewhere. You just need that proverbial push of motivation to get you back on track.

The way I see it is that your mistakes, setbacks & poor choices or lack thereof (procrastination) have molded you into a much wiser adversary. Now you’re more equipped to deal with life better than the “20-something version of you. You know well the consequences of right & wrong. Hopefully these days you’re the type of person who learns from mistakes instead of dwelling on them or even worse…repeating them. Either way life isn’t over neither is the fight! You’re Rocky after fighting Apollo Creed!

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Sure you lost the match but you’re a winner for trying and the fight is far from over…besides you kick ass in the sequel (wink wink) LOL.

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Well until next time Kiddies,

Shalom 😉

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