Afterwards

Right about now… That statement, that moment when you’re thinking about the other person wondering if they’re thinking about you… 

You’ve been hurt, angered and hurt again… The sheer thought of being ok shreds your heart to pieces.

And then all of the dust settles, the shock has settled in…you find yourself at a moment when you want to pick up the phone and call/text the other person. It was a habit for so long and despite that they left or hurt you, you’re still simply missing them. But you don’t call. You don’t text. You do nothing.

You tell yourself you’re gonna be ok. But for now it feels like it’s gonna be forever to never that you do.

You sit there with that lump building in your throat & tears forming in your eyes.

Well til next time kiddies…

Shalom 

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I’m ok… No really I’M NOT OK

 

insomnia

Are you stressed? Are you at your wits end? Are you unhappy? Are you unjustified? Well you are not alone…whether you suck at time management, love, relationships, money or heck even school… You are like the thousands if not millions whose stress levels and blood pressure are through the roof!

stress-blood-pressure

Well I am no doctor or Zen master but I can say there are a few things I and we can do to get through it without a stroke or spontaneously combusting!

Well worry not because the things that stress you will be there regardless if you worry or not.  At least with the latter, you give yourself the opportunity to devise a plan to get away from your stressors!

It doesn’t have to be as pricey as a all-inclusive cruise. It can be a stroll, short drive (if gas level permits).

stress-relax post it

Until Next Time Kiddies…Shalom!

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Mid-life Crisis: Guess What? You’re Not in Your 20s Anymore!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Graduation day: Four years of high school & memories made! All the drama & adolescent fun now behind you, your eyes set on a myriad of future possibilities, the world is your oyster and you’re ready to take it on full speed ahead! For some folks it’s a dreams come true.
high-school-graduation
For the rest of us…well…
Fast forward 20 years!!

FUCK!

Here you are sitting at a job you most likely despise to pay bills & buy shit you don’t need for assholes you probably don’t like! Or worst you tried to live your dream & either some stupid mistakes impaled it or your screwed up somewhere. You may be broke or even incarcerated. Maybe it was society? Maybe it was a series if bad decisions. Perhaps peer pressure or just the fucked up possibility that shit just happens!

Either way you’ve come to the realization that your life has passed you by & if you’re lucky it added on about 20 lbs. or so to boot. You’ve maybe even tried to smarten up & save money for a rainy day or special moment. But if life has taught you anything, it’s that you’re caught in a constant shit storm with no umbrella! 💩☔

Cue in mid-life crisis!

It’s that perpetual rat race where you know your strides are longer than everyone else’s & though your legs seem to be longer or moving quicker than most, face it you’re going nowhere & fast!
Things started so well & promising. Shit things may have even faired well for a while but the possibility of poor choices fucked it up for you.
Quite simply you’re unhappy. Everyone else seems to be winning but you. It’s ok though, it gets better. There’s always chocolate cake & ice cream day in the nursing home in about another 40 years or so from now!

What the hell went wrong? Life was so promising!

But there’s hope! The race isn’t over. You still got gas in the tank & there’s life in you yet. Behold there is a God and there is a solution out there somewhere. You just need that proverbial push of motivation to get you back on track.

The way I see it is that your mistakes, setbacks & poor choices or lack thereof (procrastination) have molded you into a much wiser adversary. Now you’re more equipped to deal with life better than the “20-something version of you. You know well the consequences of right & wrong. Hopefully these days you’re the type of person who learns from mistakes instead of dwelling on them or even worse…repeating them. Either way life isn’t over neither is the fight! You’re Rocky after fighting Apollo Creed!

rocky1rocky face

Sure you lost the match but you’re a winner for trying and the fight is far from over…besides you kick ass in the sequel (wink wink) LOL.

rocky  art museum

Well until next time Kiddies,

Shalom 😉

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What Exactly is the New You?

HDTOTW

Every year we make resolutions to change something or another about ourselves.  We make promises to lose weight, gain wealth or overall make better choices to be happy. But does any of it work? I mean are we promising ourselves or kidding ourselves? Ask yourself this, who and how are you since the last “New Year” commenced?  Did you become the version of you that you set out to be? Or did these claims of new resolutions go out the window?

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I think we as humans are always looking for a means of self-improvement and a way to attain the best out of life.  But if what you are trying to reach is coming from a place of self-pity and not self-respect… Do you think that your resolution will become another broken promise?

It’s not that we don’t know any better or that we shouldn’t want to improve on ourselves… it’s just that we don’t fully commit or understand what it actually means to commit.  We want the benefit of the rewards without putting in the effort or work! We want the magic weight loss, the lottery size paycheck, the magical relationship/marriage all wrapped in a pretty bow!

But there is no magic pill… Just the sweat of hard work & will power to eat right. You want a successful relationship that will lead to a magical wedding… Well look for like minded individuals instead of booty calls & one nighters. Do you want the guy/girl only looking for a good time? Or the one looking to build a future? And as far as finances go… If you want a nest egg for the future! Spend less! Save more! Take part of that big tax refund & open up a retirement fund or savings with interest.

Whatever your resolution… If you want to see it come to life, you have to make it work! Don’t leave it to chance or luck! Don’t tackle it all at once! Take a no holds barred approach one day at a time! Don’t force it! Rome wasn’t built in a day… You won’t be rebuilt in one day either! Slow progress IS progress!

Commit to it! Work for it! 💪👍

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My Own

The following Writing on the Wall is inspired by not only my Hump Day Thought of the Week.  It is brought to you by the foolishness that was my own.  I latched on to a ghost that I created because I couldn’t deal with what was in front of me at the time and quite frankly still is…

I guess I too am the Dumbass of the Day too… Go Figure!

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The Insomniac with the words of wisdom didn’t and wouldn’t heed them! Not the first time but shit happens! But here goes, Ladies and Gents…

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Wearing my heart on my sleeve is like walking through fire with gasoline
Expecting not to get burned, hoping not scorched by the seams of a foolish dream

I anticipated the outcome of a situation I warned myself against and yet instead
I remained delusional and I contemplated a different result in my own twisted head

I procrastinated using my own common sense and for what?
A few laughs and a free fuck?

Life has a way of preventing danger and yet we confuse what we need
With what we want and pretend to be confused when our scars bleed

I am twisted with my own fate that I stood in front of and yet I ignored
My heart obliterated from the choices I made because of the people I adorned

I can’t forget how I wanted to feel. I can’t pretend to hate any of those days
But it was the cost of my own sanity that I should’ve walked the other way

I trusted in a lie

I believed in a fairy tale that wasn’t my own.

I trusted in a lie

I created a fairy tale that wasn’t my own.

I trusted a lie

I pretended to not to see

I trusted a lie

And so the very fault of my pain is on me

Because the fairy tale… that lie…
was the result of a situation-ship,
I pretended to be a relationship
because I had no heart to face a hardship
or my being alone
when in turn I ended up more alone
more than I ever had been…on my own
Now again, alone and on my own

It is this that I created and refused some fucking foolishness to leave…

When I should’ve chose otherwise

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…the wait is over

…the fuckery returns 3/1
Just wait…

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What’s this? I Shouldn’t BE Single? (A B*tch Blog)

So today’s blog is brought to you by the last few ‘Hump Day Thought of the Week’ posts. I know for some of you it may have seemed…well a little bitchy but you got a chipper post this week on the social networks. So on that note… DEAL WITH IT!

That being said, my posts (on Facebook) if you didn’t see it, pertained to just that.

hump Day Thought 9.18
CLICK TO EXPAND EITHER IMAGE
hump Day Thought 9.11

Anyway, I have had several revelations lately regarding my well-being. As I near my 33rd birthday and the anniversary of my last breakup (which wasn’t bad per se but enough for me to not repeat that sorta situation), I find myself re-evaluating a lot of things…from what I eat to who I meet.  As far as meeting anyone personally or professionally, one must ask: What purpose will this serve? How can this person better my situation and vice versa? Or is this a complete waste of my time? That’s not to say that I am holding out for the perfection of perfections, it simply means I want what I want. It surely doesn’t mean I am a gold-digger either looking for a meal ticket.

golddigger

I just don’t wanna be anyone’s next mama or worse, baby-mama (2X because I already have 1 kid). I mean if you haven’t reached your full potential, fine by me as long as you’re still working towards it (granted it’s something you stuck with & realistic and hasn’t taken you forever…lol). Meaning I do not want someone without any motivation or goals.

To sum it up if you ain’t got ya shit right:

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I mean since I have yet to find that in a person without sacrifice to my morals… I told myself that this facet of my life will just have to wait until further notice!

That being said the post did not stem from my want and/or need to be alone. Because in the end I do value and often times yearn for human connection. What I don’t need or care for is the bull shit that follows. You know the relationship fears & woes. I don’t have time to worry if the slacker dude will have any ambition or be a lazy schmuck!

couchpotato

I also don’t care for the established guy who can’t keep his dick in his pants meanwhile begging me for sex every 5 minutes (especially if we just met & only texted like once)! Damn can a chick go out on a date first before you ask “When we gonna chill?” or “When you gonna let me…?” …which in case you didn’t know chill is often the code word for FUCK! Why? Because anytime a dude start questions off with that shit means he only has intentions of smashing!!!!

Mya (Meagan Good) and Alex (Chris Brown) at Mya's house after a one-night stand

So with that being said, I choose to not deal with ANY fuckery.   I mean I am talking from finances to fitness to everyday friends! Why is it that a person who does not want to put up with someone’s bullshit eventually subjected to some kind of verbal/vocal stoning?  I mean am I not allowed to be single? The double edge sword it seems would disallow me to date a douche-bag yet still go through dozens more in an effort to marry Mr. Right. I mean I see the so-called nice guys complain on status attacks: “Why the good girls go for the “ain’t shit” dudes?” “Why can’t I find a good chick?” BLAH BLAH BLAH!

I’LL TELL YOU WHY

Grinds-my-gears1

Because some of you dudes are too caught up trying to ram your dick somewhere! Often times it makes me sick but it’s not half your fault, chicks allowed this behavior, therefore it became the norm. Dudes are too busy feeling themselves to want to settle down and if they do, they are so busy “flexing” for the nothing-ass females (that they complain so much about in the first place). And so that leaves us women to pretty much give up and settle for the following:

mama’s boy,
mama-boy-marriage

ex-con,
monopoly-get-out-of-jail-free-card

the abusive assholeIKE

the illegitimate baby-maker
orlando-shaw-3-funny

turned deadbeat dad
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And that’s just the easy pickings.

Why? Because they present the idea or façade of faithfulness/commitment that women yearn but are too fucking stupid to see ain’t really there.  Sadly there are so many desperate folks that’ll settle for this shit. My guess it that it’s better to be insane to be alone…or worse, sexually frustrated!

goodbad

FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

Despite our efforts in looking, those mentioned really do not offer any security or anything like their so-called “successful” counterparts, the gigolos, players and boys who aren’t ready to settle down or be monogamous.

def-jams-how-to-be-a-player

FUCK THAT SHIT!!!!

The same double-edge clause would allow for me to work a dead-end job and not quit to pursue my dreams no matter how trivial it would appear to the outside world! don’t get me wrong, bills don’t pay themselves but it shouldn’t rob you of the incentive to pursue what makes you happy. I mean who wants to work til they die and have nothing to show for it? Especially if the job fucking sucks anyhow…

annoyingmgr2

Again… FUCK THAT SHIT!!!!

Lord knows I can’t wait until I move… I may have better luck when I’m about 300 miles away from Philly. Maybe it’s just my luck here!

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Anyway thanks for tuning in and in case that was too long for your liking, the moral of the story is: No one should sacrifice their own happiness for anyone or anything!

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