The Single Status Sentence

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Although this isn’t really a writing on the wall per se. Still I am tagging it such because this is more than a mere random thought. It pertains to some real world, life shit and that would-be-dreaded life sentence of being single.

Why the hell is it so important to have and to hold? Often I wonder what is the point!

This post was inspired by an interaction I had with some fellow. He wanted to get to know me and honestly, I wanted to be on my way. But when he said he was single and I said that I was too, he quickly responded, let me fix that! Like WHAAAT? WTF? I’m not broken. I knew what his intentions were so I wasn’t upset and so I responded that, there was nothing to fix. Personally I think it’s hogwash!

I don’t think being single or in a relationship is what people make it out to be. Personally for me, I am happy being unhitched. The reason I chose to stay single was because I learned the value of truly loving myself. Besides who knows what you settle on trying to find somebody. Now I am not saying I want to be “alone” forever or shackled up… I am however definitely glad & damn sure I want to be sucka-free and fuckboy free!

I know some of you think that my past relationships have made me bitter but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m actually “better” because I am not upset or pissed about the folks who I devoted my time to. For a while I kicked myself for allowing my time to be wasted. But I look back appreciating the blessing in the lesson. I finally learned what I deserve and what I refuse to put up with. I am just focused on how I spend my time with myself before I concern myself with who. Now some of you who have been single for years on end (or impatiently months) may think it’s the worst thing ever. But not me!

Why?

Because being single is not a life sentence nor is it a status to judge your life by. Being alone is different than being lonely. Being single means you are strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on another soul to create that happiness for you. Besides who is better at knowing what I want?

Me!

While there may be some tasks that are better with more than a party of one. There are ways and friends waiting to be made in the world. Swap it up, hang with a few select folks in your spare time…figure it out. Instead of waiting on someone to do it for you, why not do it for yourself?

We have allowed the world to convince us that doing things by ourselves is bad & codependency is the way to go. That is the dumbest shit ever when you think about it! Now if you have a life partner who you don’t mind being with that makes you happy, that’s awesome. If you have friends that you kick it with, also awesome. If you have things you like to do alone that give you peace, also awesome! And you know what’s ultra awesome about all of those things is that, you can mix them up at the same time…well not exactly…but there is no rule saying that you have to be sired to just one.

We all say it but rarely do we ever actually do what it takes to make our own selves happy. I took a vow to eat better, spend money wiser, be active, stop procrastinating, do things that made me happy and lastly stop stressing. (Working on that last one)

It’s not easy putting yourself first or even on occasion saying no to the things that don’t bring you some kind of peace or flat out irk the living shit out of you.

Yep…you are not required to be involved in everything or with everyone.

Today’s the day that I not only reached a fitness milestone (-30 lbs)

Importantly, 8-9 months ago, I had just got out of a relationship (although it ended without me knowing much sooner…guess that’s how cheaters roll). It took me a while to not be bitter and simmer in the hurt & pain not to mention I use that towards a positive and better me. But the most important thing about today was that it makes 6 months after I truly decided to reclaim myself (I gave myself a month or so to get right). I mean if you don’t love yourself, your inner awesomeness will continue to be blocked by the “need” to be with someone. Not that it’s anything wrong with companionship but let’s face it, loving yourself prevents you from chasing people who won’t or don’t love you either. It also makes you strong enough to wait for the right one…even if Mr/Ms Right is you.

You know when you’re being treated wrong, so why put up with it?

Learn to love your inner Vixen, Wonder Woman or whoever inspires your fire. Just look at me in a year’s time… Changes happen for a reason. And if you don’t believe that, then remember this… If you’re life starts to get better after you leave people and things alone…then you’re on the right track.

Lastly remember being happy is not just a mantra I say, it’s something I intend on staying no matter what the circumstances. I remember looking at myself and whispering you deserve better but never believing it and possibly feeling I deserved it. I rather be solo than be in a fake ass relationship anyway so instead of rebounding or trying to get back on the road towards a spousal horse, I am using the time to grow!

I found myself pissed off recently because someone didn’t understand me and on top of that, we failed to communicate.

Honestly, it’s fucking retarded to be upset or react to another reaction that wasn’t the one you thought you should get. That alone proved I am not ready to be with anybody.

So to that guy, I wasn’t trying to shoot you down because I felt better than you. It was because I am still on my path that doesn’t have room for anyone else yet. I may inspire along the way but the truth is I still have a ways to go. And that goes for anyone…don’t let life pass you by!! Go get your happiness…

Next on my bucket list: Seeing the world, Thrill seeking shit like race car driving, acting & skydiving!!!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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The MARVELous Road To Infinity War

DIW review

For any of you living under a fucking rock… there has been the plethora of comic book flicks that has been leading up to this epic showdown of showdowns, The Avengers. Some of you may just see it as a simple cash cow… But for the rest of us who just may be what you call comic-book-fans, this is epic & short of fucking awesome! Don’t judge us, those who you call freaks and geeks. The Whedon Avengers (part 1) blew me away. And this…will be the same! As much as I wanted to like Age of Ultron…for me is was meh… Although James Spader was da bomb… (Yes I’m old) 😂

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But for those of you scratching your head, I am taking none other than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. For all of us as kids who watched Saturday morning cartoons or read a comic book, seeing our fav shit come to life on screen is without a doubt amazing. From the black and white days of Superman up to now, people love to see works of art come to life. And I am sorry, some of the things that Stan Lee and company have done are pretty much this age’s Renaissance. Even video games, despite a failure to launch well (except Mortal Kombat & to some extent, Resident Evil) have been brought to the big screen.

That being said, I will be talking about my fav comics-turned-movies as we countdown to Part 1 of the ultimate showdown: Avengers: Infinity War. Be warned since I am still playing with the vlog thing, this won’t my typical rant/rave review blog post but in preparation to one of the most anticipated comic book flicks…In fact for the next few posts that are reviews…I ‘m pretty much gonna wing it…so stay tuned!

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I will try to keep it short & post all MCU movies leading up to the release of Infinity War in order of release but showcasing my own favoritism. LOL! Hell there’s like damn near 20 movies already released, not including the TV shows so I will NOT be reviewing them all individually.

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And although, they are pretty much separated from the actual movies, I will moonlight a little about the TV shows on the side. This was something I wanted to do with DC comics, movies and shows but didn’t have the time to…besides I did a review of the actual Justice League movie with my comic-book-partner-in-crime, (my kid)…which you can check out here. Oh and if you haven’t been on my YouTube channel, which I promise to give regular love to…here is your chance to like, comment & subscribe.

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Are you excited to see the Avengers movie, what comic book flicks have tickled your fancy?

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: @Insomniac_Writer
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Let Go…

DIW RANDOM THOUGHTS

I wrote this a little while back after ending a relationship with someone.  I left it in my drafts because I refused to breathe any air into the situation I was getting over.  But then I thought about that confused girl torn between someone she’d given her world to and the possibility of actually being happy.

Dear You,

Time to let it all go, the good, the bad, the ugly & the cutesy. Time to move on.  I know that is hard but I have to wipe the slate complexly clean before I can do anything else.  Screw closure. Screw holding on… It’s more of a detriment and no benefit was worth what I endured.  I know now that by staying I am only saying that I accept the unacceptable; I am ok settling for less than what I need or deserve.  It’s ok to walk away knowing you didn’t win but when you think about it, what was the prize anyhow?

No one who wants to hurt will continue hurting you. Fuck the honeymoon phase where you will only be subjected to mental anguish later. It’s one thing to revel in makeup shenanigans…but this is crazy! Fuck it even if you don’t find the best of what you had in something new. Trust yourself that ANYTHING is better than what you had. Fuck trying to settle and diminishing your worth for someone who doesn’t think it’s worth being loyal in the first place. If they cared…you wouldn’t be having this epiphany.  You may have troubles here and there. You may feel lonely and cold in your bed but is it worth feeling hurt in your heart and soul?

Trust in knowing that if a person loves you they do not make decisions to hurt you in any form.  There are no accidents in cheating or abuse… A real friend or significant other shows you both who they are and what you mean to them. PERIOD. If someone truly loves you and wants you to be happy, they don’t go doing the things that result in the opposite of your happiness or love. A person will put effort into the things that matter to them be it money, love, success, fame, etc.

So when you hear that little voice telling you to listen to the cries of a person who is guilty but not actually remorseful for what they did to you…remember these tidbits from me and a fellow blogger friend…

[Will he cheat again? Absolutely! He’s already established that she’s (you) not worth being loyal to. When a man shows you who he is, BELIEVE him. Will he try to make it up to her? Absolutely! However, that’s his guilt talking and not his character. It is not in a cheater’s character to be loyal.

 If you are married to a cheater, ask yourself, “What am I doing here? You didn’t get married to be cheated on. Did you? You deserve better. Don’t you? If/when you find, out, don’t go looking for a marriage counselor, there’s nothing wrong with you. HE needs counseling. What you need is a divorce attorney. When a husband cheats, he doesn’t need to fix his marriage, he needs to fix his character. And this is not something you can help him with. He’s already grown…]

Click here to read the full blog

In your case there is nothing holding you back except emotions and the idea of escaping other annoying bullshit in your life. If you waste your time choosing a good time over a good person, you’re gonna have a bad time. Don’t let what you envision in a person be a distraction from who they really are. Besides sometimes holding on is more detrimental than letting go.

You may have not had the happy ending that you wanted but this isn’t the end of the book as far as you know…it’s just another chapter! Take what you learned and move on. We always think we need closure to move on but we don’t…not always. Fuck that needing to know why it happen and accept that it did… A fool is a man who learns not from his mistakes but who repeats them.

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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Valentine’s Day Blues?

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I couldn’t help but notice how many people are shocked and taken away from the fact of me mentioning that I am single and have been.  When I reply that I am focusing on me, being a parent or my career…above all which encompasses learning to love myself, it turns into a game of back and forth where I am nearly crucified for embracing my solidarity. I am not saying that I don’t want to get married or fall in love or heck get laid even.  However those things I am noticing are pointless if I’m not prepared to receive them.

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Most people enter a relationship with the idea that they can make someone else happy, unaware if the feeling will be returned. We are so tired of being alone that we forget how valued we are as individuals. We settle. I have been there…so caught up in my fantasy that I missed seeing how not only damaged my relationships were but how damaged I was.

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Now I could go on and on about how we are not built to pick perfect relationships and how we create cycles of bad partnerships but I ain’t a specialist and this isn’t an advice column.  I just know about my own situation and how I had to learn to deal with it. But what prompted me to write about the most commercialized day to profess love was the bitterness I saw on social media. From posts about not wanting to see others post/talk about significant others to infidelity to so-called empowerment…etc, and the list went on.  But on top of all of that was the need to prove who and how much we love someone.

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Now it took me a while to pull away from new/pagan/western/man-made holidays in order to focus on that of my faith.  Despite that, it still isn’t horrible for those who do decide to celebrate in any modern holiday.  Trust me I am not judging.  But what was the bottom line was the fact that I was creating the tools for my own destruction and falling into the hype that I had to. And it started with one question, “Why are we so worried about holidays and how others celebrate them with respect to us?” And then I asked myself why do we need to measure our own selves by how others treat us? What do we have to prove?

Does celebrating or not celebrating Valentine’s Day make you any less loved? Does celebrating Mother’s day make me any less of a mom?

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The answer is no!

Sure it’s all fine and dandy to be thought of but at the end of the day, if I’m not…life goes on!  We place value on so much of the mundane and we rob ourselves of so much.  Despite being a proponent of loving oneself, that doesn’t mean we don’t in turn obsess over ourselves and crave attention from others for ourselves.  Instead of finding real fulfillment in life, we stack our worth over what society or rituals today way we are worth. And in turn, It’s pure and simple, we create our own suffering.  We are told at a young age that if a boy or girl does XYZ, that they like us; you have to prove your love for your significant other by doing certain things or submitting completely; or my fav, if so and so doesn’t do XYZ for you, then they don’t love you like they should; Or even better, if you don’t get attention or a gift on a holiday, you’re not important or you don’t matter.

Why?

Why it took me this long to see how fucked up that shit was is beyond me. You can blame the movies for the delusions they sell or your parents.  Doesn’t matter how you got to this point as much as how you intend on getting out of it.

Maybe we all hit rock bottom before we see the light and have the will to climb out of that very despondency. Whatever the motivation, I knew for myself that I needed to pull myself away from that detrimental thought pattern.  And so I made changes to pull that shit outta my mind frame. I knew that I deserved the best but not from a significant other but from myself.  I did for others not for something back in return even if it was intangible like love or fidelity. I do in service for others because it simply feels good.  I take care of myself not to look good for someone else but because it makes me feel great about myself.

It was as simple as this… I stopped obsessing over myself.  I stopped worrying about what I had to prove.  I stopped worrying about what I didn’t have. I stopped beating myself up over why I wasn’t being treated better by others.  I stopped begging for acceptance and love from others. I finally stopped expecting and began accepting.  It was here I learned to appreciate life. I learned that before I could be loved by others, I had to truly love myself.

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….and then instead of being bitter, I became better.

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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Top fav horror movies 2017

review rant

OK OK I know this post is a few days old but… In my defense I have been battling a sinus infection so when it came to filming my review video… I thought I should pass on you guys seeing me like this.

I rarely get sick but when I do…it’s not pretty!wp-image-1648026083

But here goes my count for the best 2017 horror flicks!it's awesome

GET OUT

Any movie that I am not only willing to sit through twice but pay for more than once deserves to be numero uno. This movie had suspense, enough blood, and had me a tad paranoid to visit any of my white friends out of town. I won’t lie I had my doubts about Jordan Peele making a horror movie but it lived up to the hype. Slap yourself if you haven’t seen it by now.

IT

IT was the flick I had been dying to see ever since reading the majority of the book as a kid and seeing the mini-series. I was so glad to see some of the crazy shit from the book on screen. I mean a family TV station in the 80s/90s airing Stephen King? I mean it was good but c’mon without Tim Curry or my childhood crush, Jonathan Brandis from Neverending Story 2 or Ladybugs (Jonathan Brandis) I probably would’ve never watched. But I love this flick and all the hype that came with it was definitely lived up to.

SPLIT

This was definitely M. Night’s claim back to the throne. It was a great suspenseful horror flick without relying on overloads of gore and jump scares. James McAvoy was awesome as crazy ass Kevin and that girl from the witch was perfectly cast as the “survivor girl” I just wish we could’ve seen the other 20 personalities up close, et cetera. LOL

LIFE

A movie with my dream guy Ryan Reynolds who dies off and I am still in tune… Yep he died playing his usual snarky self in the space thriller. As far as space flicks go, I was probably more in tune with this that Aliens because it had me enthralled and the ending…sheesh! I like a good bleak and ending of doom towards earth. That little shit Calvin (the Martian species) was the best kind of killer, no speech and no emotion!

ANNABELLE: CREATION

I pretty much thought the first Annabelle movie sucked. I went in with low expectations thinking I know what they wanted to do with this creepy ass doll but It felt poorly put together. This prequel did not…where they failed, Annabelle 2 got it right. Just the like the Ouija prequel will always outshine its predecessor, we see what happens when folks take the source material and not rush to cash in but tell a story worth watching. It finally told the tale of a Demon using this doll as a conduit like it should’ve in the first flick. Because Lord knows we only have need for one killer doll running around and his movie didn’t make this list.

HAPPY DEATH DAY

I only saw this flick because my friend hates scary movies and Annabelle had left theaters by the time my birthday had come around. The Jason flick we were promised was canned and I figured what the hell. I must say, I was entertained. What I thought would be cliche and predictable was actually kind of fun and had me going. Movie had me thinking I may need to re-enroll in college should my daughter pledge a sorority.

1922

I watched this one night while scrolling on Netflix looking for a horror flick. I will say it was one of those ominous flicks that kept you wigged out the whole time. Not over the top gore or scares but what I miss about classic horror…creep factor! Thomas Jane is almost unrecognizable as this post WW1 farmer who kills his wife and is pretty much haunted by it until the end and not just supernaturally. Karma simply hates this guy. Should’ve known this came from my fav author Stephen King.

BETTER WATCH OUT

I literally watched this the other day after trying to find a movie to put up here to replace Amityville Awakening, which only would’ve made the cut because the kid from Shameless was in it. Anyway this is pretty much Home Alone if Kevin was a little older. Because let’s face it, that fucker was demented to have thought up those “pre-Jigsaw-type” traps for those poor robbers.

THE BELKO EXPERIMENT

Let’s face it. Who wouldn’t want to kill some prick that you had to put up with for 8 hours a day? I’ve worked plenty of jobs where I wanted to throw a stapler at somoen for no good reason. This movie really doesn’t give me the justification of doing that like Clerks or Office Space but…it’s still pretty cool Well this movie which pretty much didn’t have the greatest plot in the world still had enough gore, witty banter, and twist enough to keep me entertained.

THE BABYSITTER

This was a funny tongue-in-cheek horror flick that you have to be a moron to take seriously. I enjoyed watching this King Bach was hilarious as expected. I watched this with very little expectations and glad that it didn’t have a whole lot of jump scares or unnecessary back story. It was a fun tale and kept me entertained. If you have Netflix…check it out!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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New year! New me?

DIW RANDOM THOUGHTS

Nope, I am still the same sarcastic, cynical, mistake making, horror loving, drinking, writing arsehole  you and I have both grown to love. (yes I said arse).

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That’s not to say that I don’t want to make improvements or changes in my life for the better such as the fitness thing, financial, spiritual, etc.  But this statement cracks me up.  People make resolutions to make changes that they rarely stick with.  Why wait? What’s the point?

I mean if you want to change some aspect of your life, then why the dramatics? Wake your ass up and make a conscious choice to change for whatever reasons.  No need to wait? I mean why wait to be the person you want to be when you can be that person today? Besides if you want to get technical, the new year traditionally starts with spring or something for you lunar calendar people who don’t rely on the ol’ Gregorian calendar to make choices.

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I mean people make promises to do shit everyday and to what extent the decide to stick with it is usually forgotten by Valentines Day if not, MLK day.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not here to “Bah Humbug your effort to make positive life changes but honestly, if you wanted to, I mean really, really wanted to, then you would not wait. Keep it real.  Most folks want to lose weight or make more money but don’t want to make the effort towards those goals.  You can’t or won’t lose weight while not being active and stuffing your face with junk food/soda/etc. If you’re not going to work towards a lucrative financial situation (a better job/career/business venture) or at the very least save some damn money, you won’t be financially comfortable or at least prepared for that raining day.  This is especially so if you are constantly one to order out or go out every weekend.

It this simple people, Changes warrant well… changes!!! It’s a known my strongest opinion (and probably a fact in most cultures…lol) that when any individual procrastinates making a change of some sort, it is because they are afraid to or simply do not want to.  Why they do not want to is perhaps a matter of being comfortable in what the current situation is or using it as a crutch.  Why lose weight when you can use it as a disability or be lazy & not wake up? Why not start a business? Or get a lucrative career when you can rely on handouts or is it fear of change? No matter what it is, we allow these “security blankets” to hinder whatever resolution we are putting off in the first place.

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If you want to cut people off, stop bending over, being taken for granted by folks, then leave those people behind today not January 1st.  Why keep beating a dead horse? Why continue to allow people to feed on your vibes and energy? And not to play Devil’s advocate but if you constantly asking why people don’t want to be bothered with you, why your phone doesn’t ring or get notifications, or why you’re bored and alone while the world spins… Then sweetie, please evaluate YOURSELF…like ASAP! Everyone can’t be the culprit so stop the victim act and get YOUR life together! Instead of feeling sorry, wallowing in self-pity or regret, let go of the past and find so happiness in your miserable existence…. Then maybe (just maybe) folks won’t be hesitant to pick up the phone when you call or hell they may just throw you an invite!

That’s just my advice… There’s is no time like the present & the future isn’t promised. So what are you waiting for? Stop procrastinating and start your come-up TODAY!!!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

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shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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How to play Perfection

I guess I could file this under Hump Day Thought of the Week!

I think it sucks we set ourselves up for failure by assuming what could/should happen instead of preparing what does.


 Well til next time kiddies…

Shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: @Insomniac_Writer

The Drunken Insomniac Writer is NOW on Tumblr: Home of the Drunken Insomniac Writer

Check out my YouTube channel & subscribe to: https://www.youtube.com/user/RSLEWIStheauthor