Me Myself & I

DIW RANDOM THOUGHTS

I recently went out on a date not too (too) long ago and while it was a fun time, not to mention me having a good time for once, I must admit I thought I would’ve felt more happy or something in good company. All I could think about was all the shit I had to do afterwards, my writing and Call of Duty. At first I thought it was him. But then I went on another date and it wasn’t their company either. I mean she was awesome too.

Then it dawned on me that the problem or shall I say in this example, solution…was me. So when I found time, I did a little experiment. I went out on a dinner date solo (yep all by myself) and guess what?

I really fucking loved it!

Now I am not conceited or stuck or on myself or even a narcissist. And don’t get me wrong, I do like being a social butterfly. However, what I came to realize is that I enjoy me, myself and I. While this has made me a tad introverted, I won’t lie, it shed light on a particular thing that I’ve ignored… which was the fact I had spent too much time & the best years of my adult life on people (who were in my life longer than they deserved to be). No matter what my foolery, I clung onto the ideology that I need to be partnered with someone and that being single is the most horrible thing ever.

Now I am not saying that I want to be alone the remainder of my days or unmarried. But I figure the reason why I spent so much time unhappy within in a relationship was not only because of the men (or women) I chose but because how I saw myself while with them. To quote Perks of Being a Wallflower: “…we accept the love we think we deserve…” Even if we don’t know it, often times we deserve better but we bounce from relationship to relationship without giving ourselves adequate time to heal and find true love. Somewhere down the line we eventually feel like shit about it and the cycle repeats itself later on. We search for answers in faith, friends, family, work or whatever everywhere but within the soul.

And this quest doesn’t have to have a timestamp. Think about the fact that we spend half our lives searching for for the right one, the rest of our lives dealing with that decision and whatever is left trying to find ourselves.

I came to the conclusion until I am where and who I want to be not to mention ready to share myself and welcome others, I have no intention on being with anyone in any shape form or fashion. Call me selfish but I am only halfway there & I don’t intend on messing it up with random or casual sex either. Because we as human are so addicted to companionship that we are OK with being a side-piece or abused/neglected by others. And if I’m allowed to play Devil’s Advocate, we also screw things up for others because we’re not truly ready to open ourselves up… oblivious to it even.

When you first become happy with yourself, then you will be truly happy with others. More importantly, we learn to no longer settle. Now there may be some of you that are at that point already…and I applaud you but this here is my official (if not 10th) time in life to find myself. And I ain’t getting any younger so I need get my shit together soon.

Besides if you can’t be happy with you and you alone…why or how do you expect someone else to be happy with you? At this point in my life, I am more worried about the time I’ve wasted with the wrong one than what I “wasted” by myself thus far. Because trust me, the time I have spent single has been everything but wasted. Shit, while so many of us females, especially black females are out here talking about how happy we are by saying that we don’t know where we’d be without “him” we hide the possibility that we could probably be much farther in life. It’s not to say the bad relationships aren’t lessons but often times we stretch shit longer than we should.

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So I am going to sit back and sip my wine…enjoy some more writing, gaming, travelling and everything life has to offer but moreso I intend to continue discovering what makes me awesome. It’s okay to be a little selfish and to be alone with your thoughts. Use that time to mold those thoughts into positive ones.

Oh and not to dig too deep… there will be people who think that you are selfish because you want more “me” time. However there’s nothing wrong with that. It is totally okay. Don’t become a hermit in the hills or anything…that is just overkill still do not let others rush you. And definetly don’t let them trick you into thinking that you are an asshole because you tell them no for whatever. You are not obligated to be or do things with people. Some folks who are in turn afraid to be solo (or tired of it) and will force you to believe that you should be too…

.animated16

But that’s not so! Saying no doesn’t make you selfish especially if you’re always saying yes! So sit back folks, enjoy the show and just wait for it…

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

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How to play Perfection

I guess I could file this under Hump Day Thought of the Week!

I think it sucks we set ourselves up for failure by assuming what could/should happen instead of preparing what does.


 Well til next time kiddies…

Shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer

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The Drunken Insomniac Writer is NOW on Tumblr: Home of the Drunken Insomniac Writer

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Today’s Anniversary

So hey guys…it’s been a while since I got to typing and putting my feelings onto the page.  But I have been trying the video blog and YouTube shit and it’s not so bad.  But today’s blog was brought to you by the letter A.

Just kidding… But the topic starts with an A as in anniversary!

I woke up realizing…well… knowing that today, 11/9 was my own D-Day.  It was the anniversary of the ex, I recently came to leave. But I didn’t wake up with sadness, which I feared.  I wasn’t even angry anymore.  I was happy…shit maybe I am going through some manic shit as a result of being bi-polar.  (OK I have not been diagnosed with that shit but I could be…idk). 

Maybe it was all the frustrations I took out on the zombies in Call of Duty. Oh yeah…I think it was the thought of giving headshots to the Nazi zombies that I confronted, level after level!

Anywho, I woke up happy today because I think that I am starting to find inner peace because as soon as I went onto Facebook, they were showing some happy memories of my ex and I.  I knew it was coming the whole “On This Day” shit and I was wondering what kind of day it would be. 

Oh and yes I cropped out our faces….no need to continue being petty.

I got to thinking about how toxic it was for me the last four years.  I pretty much was in a relationship with a black hole (where you give and give and the other half absorbs and absorbs).  If I wanted to go out, have fun, engage in anything. I had to be the one to initiate it. I paid for nearly everything.  And when I looked back at how much I did, I wondered how delusional or insecure I was.  Now before you go judging me as to why I stayed and blah blah blah, there was the whole trying to be this supportive-watch-your-man-grow thing, but that wasn’t the case. I was being sucked dry and instead of running away, I ran towards it.

Now I won’t get into details of how bad or good things were because I am happy to have helped someone get on their feet and become better…even if it meant for someone else. I no longer harbor grudges or resentment or anything that would cause me pain. Because that shit is so unhealthy and at the end of the day, like I said, I chose to stay.  But it didn’t mean it wasn’t without pain…I let it consume me to the point of wanting to exact revenge.

omg rage-thing

I was so torn but I had to realized that I was expecting love from someone who could not give it (or would not). Now this epiphany did not come easily.  I had to go through a lot (I mean it was beyond your typical unfaithful guy…this shit was damn near deadly).  Nevertheless I got through it. Sitting here to day, happy. Why? Because I refused to let anything or anyone control my emotions like that ever again.  I needed to accept the fact that I gave permission to be treated as such in addition to the fact I didn’t accept long ago who I was choosing to be with.

And that’s what today’s blog was about: Accepting and Expecting!!!

I could be a Dumbass & stay stuck on foolery, but why?

Accept who the people are in your life but do not expect them to be someone they’re not or do something they can’t.  Remember, just because you cuddle with a snake and dress it like a puppy, doesn’t mean it won’t turn and bite you or squeeze the life outta you.  With that said you can either accept how they will treat you (good or bad), & leave or stay.  Some people are only in your lives for a brief time to teach you a lesson or to get to their intended destination.  You can’t always view it with disdain that they want to hurt you but often times they just end up doing it.

But how you live with that is up to you. You must live, learn and move on!

So today I focused more on another anniversary, It was the same day I went public with my small start up business, Philly Designated Drivers. Sometine when I met my ex…had I not met, my driving gigs probably wouldn’t have grown at that time.

So I focused on that a little… but as I look ahead, I realize that too must be concluded. (for now).  I woke up remembering that when you do the things that you love and focus more on that as a career, it feels less like a job.  So it is now that I embark on my writing career and such…blogs and all! I’m all media again baby!!!

Now I know I’ve said it before but what makes today pretty awesome, was that I look around me and see so much to be happy for, instead of being crappy about it.  Yeah I could be sad about being single but here I am no longer killing myself chasing someone who’s toxic (and he gets to be someone else’s problem). In addition to that, I realized that I had so many new and amazing people who care & loved me that, why the fuck was I pressed over anyone who wasn’t?

I’m done with the shit that made me a lesser person.  I mean it’s dumb of me to sit there and stay pressed over it.  I won’t give it power over me, shit I don’t even need to or will continue to talk about it

I have a new and awesome job at an awesome place with awesome people and oh I upgraded my old Chevy Impala to a new one!!

 So you see, each day in life is about new beginnings and starting over…or even going back to a happy point in life and reclaiming it.  My happiest day aside from bringing my child into the world was getting my book published. I missed that feeling and as I sit and write one story and edit my old manuscript…I am ready to fly!!!!

Actually…I’m not mad…odd!

Well til next time kiddies…

Shalom

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Bucket List left undone

RANDOM THOUGHTS

un·fin·ished – [ˌənˈfiniSHt]

ADJECTIVE

  1. not finished or concluded; incomplete.

Looking through a few video games and sadly I have yet to finish more than half of them. Not only on my Xbox one but my 360.. Not sure if it’s my natural instinct to procrastinate, the fact I het bored easily or that I get easily attracted to the next shiny new toy but I’m gonna finish at least one of them before the week is out…lol.

Hell I think I even have some unfinished flicks too. Fuck I even have a slew of blog drafts that need to be unearthed not to mention a novel or 2, 3 or shit… 😒.
I got a lot of work to do! Maybe i will start on that kitchen remodel or backyard! 😩😳.
Nonetheless your insomniac has a lot of work to do! 😠

Well til next time kiddies…
Shalom

PS. Hoping to report at least one completed task by then next blog.

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I’m ok… No really I’M NOT OK

 

insomnia

Are you stressed? Are you at your wits end? Are you unhappy? Are you unjustified? Well you are not alone…whether you suck at time management, love, relationships, money or heck even school… You are like the thousands if not millions whose stress levels and blood pressure are through the roof!

stress-blood-pressure

Well I am no doctor or Zen master but I can say there are a few things I and we can do to get through it without a stroke or spontaneously combusting!

Well worry not because the things that stress you will be there regardless if you worry or not.  At least with the latter, you give yourself the opportunity to devise a plan to get away from your stressors!

It doesn’t have to be as pricey as a all-inclusive cruise. It can be a stroll, short drive (if gas level permits).

stress-relax post it

Until Next Time Kiddies…Shalom!

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Eat, Pray, Love (er…Workout)

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Ok if you’re like me… You probably wonder why you have issues losing or controlling your weight. Despite efforts at the gym… Good health is more than just cardio & weights, it’s a lifestyle change that needs to be hit on various fronts!
weight on the scary scale

This is because your body has to fight more than calories, saturated fats & complex carbs; you also have to fend off toxins.

What are these toxins I’m talking about?
toxins

Your body is filled with cancer causing toxins that must be removed. These cancer causing devils can come from food/beverages we take in as well as the environment down to chemicals that are used to clean our homes and manufacture our food. Shit they are even in the air we breathe Even less tangible factors such as stress can be a detriment to us.
venom spiderman

Here are some symptoms that may indicate you could be suffering from an overload of toxins! If that’s the case…then it’s time to detox!

craving sweet donut 1. Craving sugar or binge eating/drinking. Ok I’m not saying you can’t have a cheat-treat every now & again…hell I love my chocolate! But if you find yourself relying on sugary snacks all the time or just to get through the day, your body is not producing energy the way it should. You can boost your metabolism by cleaning out the liver.
Bloated-belly-from-periods 2. Bloating with gas or fluid retention. If you find yourself having to loosen your jeans all the time, unhealthy bacteria could be the culprit… That mess causes the gas to flux & thrive in a toxic body. If you’re retaining water, it’s because your organs in your body are trying to kick out all of the crap inside! It does it’s due diligence to dilute toxins in an effort to make their effects less harmful.
exhausted-woman fatigue 3. Fatigue, low energy & difficulty concentrating. If you find yourself always in Starbucks paying for over priced lattes & not because the cashier working the coffee-machine-thingy is hot 😉… Then chances are toxins are weighing your body down…LITERALLY! Coffee, sodas, & energy drinks can actually add to your body’s toxicity! Your ass needs to clear out all that shit out of your body (no pun intended). The most invigorating drink you can give yourself is WATER.
mood swing pms 4. Mood swings & anxiety. If you’re being a complete bitch & flying off the handle for no reason, chances it could be more than PMS! Serotonin, the feel-good neurotransmitter, is made in our stomach. So when our bodies are toxic, serotonin production often decreases, allowing other parasitic toxins such as ammonia to take over. This can cause anxiety & even depression.
woman holding her head in her hands 5. Migraines. If you’re constantly suffering from migraines & headaches… It could be that toxins, parasites & even jacked up alkaline levels irritating the central nervous system. Stress overload can cause insulin & blood pressure spikes, which can be correlated to toxic build up.
Despite us “feeling” like we are individually different, each human is pretty much the same. We were designed with a purpose, meaning our internal workings respond to all things in a very specific way. Despite us acting stupid on impulses, instinctively we are very smart. Our bodies do their best to process toxins through our liver, kidneys, lungs, & skin. But with the overwhelming amount of toxins in the world, it can put your organs into serious OT! Making healthy choices will not only take stress off of our digestive, circulatory, and lymphatic systems, but will aid in removing this toxic build up.
Here are some tips to help us all get rid of toxins.
woman-eating-salad-healthy 1. EAT Whole, Nutrient-Dense Foods at least 80% of the time. It’s ok to indulge sometimes & have those cheat-treats but not everyday. Put down that donut & grab a damn apple!
Sweat_Workout 2. SWEAT at the gym or home. Get moving with more exercise. I can never stress how important working out is. It is the perfect date to good eating. Also sweating at the sauna is excellent for releasing toxins too.
greener smoothie 3. DRINK Organic Raw Green Juice Or Smoothies Everyday. They not only push toxins out of your fat stores, but to provide an abundance of enzymes, vitamins, minerals & phytochemicals. And not to be cheap here but I recommend making your own. Those bottled brands are cool on the go & the smoothie trucks are ok. But hidden within those supposedly healthy options are an insane amount of sugar & even corn syrup.
lemon detox water 4. START Your Day With Water & Lemon. Instead of coffee, lemon water can keep your body alkaline, loosen toxins in the digestive track, stimulate the liver and boost the immune system. Besides water is the best beverage you can put inside of you. If you feat damage to the enamel of your teeth, then the plain stuff will do. Water, although it sounds counterproductive, actually aides in fluid retention & bloating by helping your body flush the toxins that cause it the 1st place.
meditation 5. MEDITATE during some quiet time. This is probably one of the least talked about detox functions. Whether it’s prayer, time alone in a quiet spa or even a quiet chat with a therapist. Removing stress by a detox to your spirit/chi releases all those bad vibes by calming your soul & realigning your cognitive thinking. Trust me, it’ll help alleviate cardiovascular, sexual, mental & gastrointestinal issues. If we would recharge our bodies like we do our phone batteries, we would be A-ok!
Well I am off to take my own advice & get my mind right again. 😜😄.
If you would like to get help putting together a raw food detox food plan, check out The Best of Raw Foods. They have an orgy of useful tools to get you started on eating right. No matter if you’re changing your diet permanently or doing a weekly/monthly detox.
Until next time kiddies,
Shalom!

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Procrastinating?? Or strategically planning…Hmmm

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Well as my regular TV season coming to an end, I find myself plagued with the inevitable option of doing all the things I’ve procrastinated since the fall! Like cleaning out my basement, renovating parts of my house or my next book (it’s still a work in progress). Sadly, I’m finding myself boggled down with so much that I’m losing focus on things lately. I’m hoping that some time off in the near future will undo that.

Perhaps…

About a year or 2 ago, I was focusing on my theater project until financial responsibility forced me to do otherwise. I still have my working out and blogging that will mostly take the majority of my attention. But so far my business start of up providing rides to drunk people have consumed most of my free time. Hopefully my book can get done before the year end. If not there is always being stuck in remedial office work again!
focus woman

I mean it’s not that I’m lazy because I’m always on the move. I just get in my own way sometimes. I truly need a personal assistant or get my phone to remind me to do things during the day better. Maybe one of those hypnotherapists can help. At least I have Cortana on my phone… She’s better than Siri and I should utilize that if only I can stay not distracted long enough. LOL

Well on to walk the dog & publish some of these drafts in this blog here… Oh wait the new season of Teen Wolf will be coming back & Orange is the New Black is on Netflix right now… Plus I need to catch up on last seasons Blacklist…
pretty little liars hanna watching tv

FUCK…TV here I come!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies…
Shalom

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