Everything’s Gonna Be Alright


Imagine being you’re out with friends, at a party perhaps. You meet a nice guy and you hit it off really quick. Just as you’re about to go on about your business, you realize that this guy is not only famous but your dream guy! I mean he’s your #MCM and idol all in one. After more chatting that you wish would go on forever, he let’s you in on a secret. He’s interested in giving you a shot at acting and he’s really into you!

He asks to take you somewhere a little more quiet so that you can talk more privately. Of course you agree because this is a dream come true. It’s like he read your mind and God sent him down from heaven. It was at this moment, the planets aligned and the universe was opening up to give you everything you had dreamt of.

You feel a little light-headed but perhaps the excitement of it all was the reason. No worries, these things happen. You tell yourself, everything’s gonna be alright as you follow him to an empty room. Your hand in his, sweaty from the anxiety and nerves. He looks back at you and tells you, everything’s gonna be alright.

You peep around the room any you see nothing much concerning, just a couch.

There’s other furniture but what stands out is the couch. Why? What is it’s significance? Why can’t you recall anything else after tonight? You feel it’s upholstery, take in the color and it’s smell. You take a seat on it and it’s quite comfy. He sits next to you and places his hand on your thigh. You’re quite taken by his boldness but still you don’t take much serious to his gesture. You’re becoming more smitten with him by the moment. So you ask him about the role and he tells you that you would be perfect as his new co-star. You smile and he compliments how pretty you are.

Before long, he kisses you gently. You’re so enthralled by his bold gestures as his sweet pecks become more intense. Passionate one moment but forceful the next. You nervously decide to return the intensity for a moment, thinking how dangerous could a kiss be? You’ve seen him kiss dozens of ladies on screen wishing it was you. And here you are actually kissing him! What are the chances that you will work together? What if he likes you like that? Even better.

You feel his hands all over you now. It’s starting to get a little serious. You push back and look at him and the lust in his eyes. He’s hungry and you’re the prey. You try to find an excuse to lighten things up. Tell him you need to pee. That should give you both a chance to breathe a moment and for a second, he looks like he’s complying and let’s you go. You stand up and straighten out your dressy outfit.

You make your way to the door and as you place your hand to the knob, you feel him behind you. He leans into you. He’s still hard! He’s not done. He’s started something and all you want is to just leave at this point.

He tells you that he knows you’re lying about the bathroom excuse and that if you leave you’re throwing away a once in a lifetime opportunity. He tries to comfort you in saying it’s ok to be scared and that nothing you don’t want to happen will happen. You pause knowing in your gut it’s all bullshit. But that naive girl inside of you tells you, everything’s gonna be alright.

You feel your hands in his once more as he gently but forcibly pulls you towards that couch. That fucking couch is the last thing you want to see or feel but again it’s the only thing you can see…and him. Remember he’s your idol, your favorite movie star.

Everything’s gonna be alright.

You try to candidly play it off and ask about the movie role once more. You’re interrupted by his kisses. You feel his lips on your neck and his hands on your breasts. You remind him you don’t want your ride to leave you here. He breaks his silence to tell you he will make sure you get home ok. He begins kissing on you once more. You feel his lips, his breath reeking with alcohol. Funny how you ignored it before. You begin to realize how much of a bad idea this is and you tell him you want to stop and leave now. As you continue to feel his hands, you realize there’s no movie, no co-star role.

You plead with him and tell him, NO!

He ignores you.

You try to push him off of you but he’s stronger than you. He may look slimmer in person but he’s actually quite fit.

STOP! You yell it out again but he again ignores you.

You hear a belt unbuckling. Suddenly you feel his hands between your legs trying to separate them. You try your hardest to keep them closed but it’s near pointless.

Don’t fight this, everything’s gonna be alright, he says.

You try to fight him nonetheless as you push, kick and scratch at him. He succeeds at parting your legs and ripping your underwear off. You try to push him off once more but he pins your hands down. You scream out loud. But it’s of no use. You’re at a party and the music is loud. You cry out help but he continues. Suddenly that wooziness starts to take over once more. His face blurs out and you feel him still on top of you, powerless to stop him. His voice deepens to that of demonic level.

Suddenly everything fades to black.

Everything’s gonna be alright.

You come in and out of consciousness. His dick is inside of you. Against your will, you’re his. You’re not sure howeber yet if what happened has actually happened but you know what sex feels like. You hear laughing in the near distance.

His friends thought this would make for a great movie. He wasn’t lying after all. You did get to be his co-star but not how you thought.

Suddenly you wake up.

You’re no longer on that couch. You’re at home in bed. You think to yourself that you should lay off the heavy drinking.

It was all just a dream… Or was it?

You clench your head as it’s spinning. You stand and make it to the bathroom. As you sit on the toilet, you realize it suddenly.

You weren’t dreaming at all. Your arms and legs feel as if you had been lifting weights from the struggle. Bits and pieces of what happened last night come vividly clear as inages of that fucking couch pierce your brain.

You begin to cry and sob but you know you it’s all too late because what’s done is done. So you look yourself in the mirror and say, everything’s gonna be alright.

Decades later despite his wealth and influence, you find the courage to come forward. You begin speaking out and being the voice of so many other victims. You see faces like Bill Cosby being brought to justice. And many others coming forward to confront their offenders.

But your situation despite being brought to light doesn’t change the fact he will never see the inside of a jail cell because he is white. He may pay fines and be out of work but years of investments have ensured his retirement as well as his kids’ college tuition because he is white.

He will never know your pain or feel any guilt because he is white.

He will never suffer knowing how you suffered because he is white. He won’t pay for his crimes and he will always have his privilege because he is white. He is rich and he has connections that outweigh your pitiful pleas for justice. But at least the world knows and you can rest assured that maybe one day he will pay despite the fact he is white.

So tell yourself that everything’s gonna be alright.

Imagine carrying this burden for years. Imagine feeling the pain of distrust toward all men. Imagine letting that pain consume your life until you eventually learn to place it deep into the back of your mind. Until one day it’s totally repressed and nearly forgotten.

You’ve learned to believe the lie that finally everything’s gonna be alright.

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Another Year ✔️

Well alas another birthday has come and gone. I’m officially 38 today.

I must say this year was eventful and eye-opening. Not to drag on about positive thinking, but I am understanding the power of it all. This year, I didn’t do the obligatory party thing as I have in the past. I must say I am becoming privy to low-key functions with close friends and family anyhow. Hell more and more, I am becoming comfortable with my own solidarity.  Funny, how I went from craving the company of others to being content with my own.

Yet the highlight of this year was my trip to Bangor, Maine. It was here that I got to see most of the tourist spots that inspired some of the great works of my favorite author, Stephen King.

As a fellow writer, it was awesome. I got a nice mini vacation away from the city and discovered something I feel is important to any writer, which was motivation.

As I got the chance to see the different places that Mr. King wrote about or referenced in his books/movies, I discovered that the trick to writing a good story is in fact no trick at all. It is the ability to look at everyday things in everyday life and from that tell a story.

I realized that you don’t have to go far to find a story but in fact you can in-turn let the story find you. From time to time, I have struggled with writer’s block where I could never finish books that I started. Maybe it was the distraction from my daily distractions or the time spent alone… not sure. Whatever it was that I found, sparked a spark that had already been recently reignited. Yet now it was an explosion of shit going off in my brain. So with that newfound motivation and the tools I’ve acquired all throughout my life, I discovered one new valuable lesson.

It was always within me… as it is with us all.

Instead of trying to recreate and find whatever it was that produced my initial book, The Virus Within… I know now that I needed a new formula because I’m new version of myself. I needed to stop dwelling on my past, and venture into something new. It was from this point forward I had to bury that fear of taking risks. I wasn’t making another vampire novel so why focus on what or how that book was created? I was inspired to write the Virus Within after being in fantasy chatrooms (something millennials will never probably understand). I went from basically telling a story with others (which is like today’s fanfiction) to writing a full fledge novel.  Plus the fact I had a bad knee sprain that kept me indoors and bored as hell.

However, I needed to take my love of the macabre to a new level. I had to also incorporate my discovery of the taboo as well. I wasn’t a scared kid who was afraid to be Risqué.  If I was going to be the female Stephen King like I set out to be so many years ago, I had to find a story where there was no story. I needed to write because writing was what I was born to do.

If the man I admired could look at a simple storm drain and create one my generation’s greatest tales, I could find my own muses anywhere.

So it was here in Bangor, Maine while in route back to Philly… I began a new story, edited existing ones, and importantly, put ideas that have been scrambled in my head on paper or on my phone’s notes so that I would potentially have a new story someday. I also got a blog that I will soon post, shortly after this. I was on fire…again! And it felt great!

The Insomniac Writer was already back but now… R.S. Lewis is ready to take center stage.

Now I all need to do is resurrect some of these drunken insomniac drafts… 🤔

Until next time kiddies,


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BOOK UPDATE: Preview from the new novel, BLOODLINE. Release date: Winter 2019)

Click the link below to preview exclusive content of my next full length novel, Bloodline.

This thriller of mine came around a time where I was trying to recreate the feel of The Virus Within, my 1st novel…but with werewolves. I decided not to complete it as I couldn’t find the time or passion behind it. Yet 6 years after “digging in the crates” one day… I decided to finish this tale. A friend happened to sneak a peak and saw the potential in this story.

Instead of trying to redo whatever magic inspired The Virus Within, I decided to change a few things but this particular chapter remained unchanged.

Anyway without further ado, here’s BLOODLINE!

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Ramblings of an Insomniac Alone

I sit alone with my coffee. Contemplating will I stay or be free.

It’s almost 2 in the morning and I’m caffeinated yet heavily sedated.

Spent my time and money just to get your honey. Wrote you love letters with no intent of mailing.

I’m both lovesick a love scorn wanting to be held like a rose with no thorn.

Injected with toxic poison but inside is the antidote. I feel the pain of love in letters that I wrote.

The answer was always deep inside of me but the key was was lost at sea.

I committed emotional suicide at the cost hypothetical homicide. I took to my pen again and chose not to hide.

A big chunk of me disentegrated and destroyed but another part of me reborn free.

Lost am I to what love is? Someone asked what does it mean to me? I couldn’t answer honestly.

Standing on the edge of freedom alone in the darkened light with the last of the sun kissing the edge of the sea.

I’m going to stay and sit where I’ll take another sip of coffee contemplating do I stand alone or swim free.

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How I found the Drunken Insomniac Writer again: Transference of Energy


Recently I began evaluating my life as well as my purpose and path on this planet. I really took a look at how far I had come and where I was headed as a writer, mother, partner, etc.  I plagued myself with the question, Did I waste my time?  At first it made no sense & then it clicked. I realized that nothing I had done was by mistake. From the people I had met, the “mistakes” & accomplishments I had experienced, it was all apart of a design.  Once I saw where I had been & where I had allowed myself to fall to, I could finally see where I was headed. Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…”

Now in the terms of humanity, without structure (law) we are destined to chaos. So what about the individual? Well, those of us who have no goals… are set up for failure.  So that was part 2 of the plan.  Now I needed a strategy! Fuck, this was the tough part, persistence.

I had been here before… On the horizon of such a crazy ass epiphany. But then I got scared and distracted. I was lost. So experienced a set of events that would steer me back on track & strengthen my character.  The first thing I needed to do was shed all thoughts, things and people who not only lacked vision but who contrasted with my goals.  I finally realized that I was only one standing in my way. I had to stop blaming others or circumstances and start making the changes to undo the damages that I either caused in my life or allowed to happened. And so I set the goals, despite how hard in motion.

We always put stock in what the next thing or person can make of us. We stop believing in ourselves and become dependent on the need to connect. While there is nothing wrong with completion or companionship, there is something seriously wrong with feeling incomplete without it.  This is especially so if the people around you do not have your mindset.  Anything else means you are settling.  We need to abandon the thinking that we are average especially if we think we are created in the image of something mightier than average.

That being said, I know that going forward I want to be more…always have.  And I mean more than just fame and fortune.  And that I want to create my own epic comeback story.  I mean I had to ask myself over and over… How can I complete someone else if I was in fact incomplete? I realized that I needed to transfer my focus and energy on following my dreams and finding myself. Once there, I had to see that until I was happy with me, I could never make someone else happy. It’s like the saying goes…you can’t pour from an empty cup, right?

I had so much untapped potential and unfocused energy that my head was spinning. Eventually I found myself back on the path. I wasn’t on some time table and once I realized that, I became content with me and finishing the race at my own pace. We spend so much time on trying to get others to realize our potential that we fail to see it ourselves. We don’t have balance anymore and in turn we become miserable and lost.

And then it hit me… I needed a clearer vision.  Another proverb quote that hit me was Proverb 4:25 was, “Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.” Meaning at some point I had to become obsessed on both the goals and path I laid before me.  I had no time for distractions. Everyone wants the get-rich-quick scheme or the results-no-work-non-plan plan.  We want to get rich or get fit without trying.  Well I already had laid out my plans for my financial and health (click here to check out the blog)… now it’s time to focus my own energy and power with my writing…because why not?

I am the motherfucking Drunken Insomniac Writer.


Ok…Well how the hell do I do that?

I knew what I wanted I just had to get where I was supposed to be. I realized in my past that I was always on the extreme side of my emotions. I was always mentally and even sexually frustrated. I was so miserable/emotional, it didn’t take much to set me off. I thought coping physically would help me but it didn’t…not really.  So I switched it back & did as I always had in the past: I focused all of that frustration into my writing. It was always there for me but there was something more now… Something greater.

I also started meditating again and praying, asking God for guidance. Then it hit me. The key that I had missed out on before was that I had to create happiness from what I had and not what I wanted. Boy was that easier said than done.  It kinda blew my mind but I was no longer a ship floating aimlessly.  Instead of hoping to find happiness in another’s arms, at a different/better job or with a nicer car or any of those things I didn’t have…I found it in my heart. More importantly, I stopped feeling sorry for myself.  I had to be accountable if I wanted results… if I wanted change.

When I found myself angry or in need of someone, I channeled that into one of my story characters. When I needed to reflect on my meditations or prayers, I blogged like I am now.  I never knew how intense a sex scene in one of my stories would be awesome if I wrote it while horny. When I grew angered…well guess what someone was going to die a painful death (in my books). It started to become more than my hobby or career but my own personal therapist.

Everyday I listened to motivational speakers and started to reading on positive thinking. Man it felt like a million light bulbs went off.  But there was more. I realized I no longer had a sacred place to channel my energy.

I had a unused gym membership. And after issues with the hot water in my house, I went…every morning.  Even when everything got fixed, it it was apart of my fitness routine. I stopped distractions that halted my writing. I started chatting it up with fellow creative souls.  I absorbed their energy with my own. Instead of making excuses, I made adjustments. I wasn’t gonna complain about why I couldn’t get my writing career back in motion.  I started talking about my writings and ideas.  Guess what? My writer’s block was fading.

Whenever I couldn’t get focused or concentrate, I began sitting in my car every night, writing. I would spend half my lunch break at work walking to get my Fitbit steps in & the other half, writing.  Before I knew it I was back writing another novel, daily blogs and a new novella. I no longer blamed my shit on others but instead found a way to get out of my way.

Here we are again!

I hope that in my journey, and my testimony, someone reading this will find their way.n  I hope that you can transfer that energy inside of your into your gift and purpose.  And if we fall flat or fail somehow along the way, we will get up, dust off and KEEP GOING!

I’ll admit, I feel motivated, unstoppable even… The words that once flowed gave way to pause and well now…

Finally the Drunken Insomniac Writer was back! (queue in awesome, chill-inducing, cinematic music here)

Until next time kiddies,


Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on:
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BOOK UPDATE (snippet from the to be released thriller novella, Goddess of Love)

The following post is of mature and explicit sexual nature and is for adult readers only. Proceed with your own risk. It is a snippet from the yet to be released novella, Goddess of Love that I am currently working on among other projects.


It is one of the sex scenes with the main character that I recently conjured up… nothing more, nothing less.


CLICK HERE TO READ a snippet from the novella, Goddess of Love

The rest of the pivotal plot points to this tale may be revealed later. 🙂 But for now enjoy!

Thank you,

R.S. Lewis
aka The Drunken Insomniac Writer

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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Claiming the Universe


I know it’s been a while since posting but I have been so focused on specific tasks right about now. Namely one that I won’t reveal just yet. (sorry just wait on it)

I am at a point and place in my life where I am finally manifesting everything I want in and out of life. I have zero fucks left to give if it hurts or offends the next person. Why? Because how many times in life have we put on hold the things that we deserve, need and/or want for another individual who could not make returns on our investments towards them? Too many perhaps! Yes that includes those that would try to but could not and those who had every intention to. Sorry but I can’t feed myself on good intentions.

While I have no problems cheering on others or supporting them in some way if feasible, I cannot allow my own dreams to suffer. I mean what is the point of life if not to live it? Everyone can use support but I never want to look back with regret on the things I didn’t do for myself.

I believe that there is a balance in the universe and if you are too busy trying to tip the scales by waiting on the universe to give while you in turn do absolute shit, well you’re not gonna be happy.


While you should never turn down a person in need that you could’ve helped or ever hold anyone else back, ultimately you should not be responsible to clean up everyone else’s fuck ups all the time. I mean where the hell is the accountability in that? I don’t mind helping you get through a rough patch or helping see your dreams come true but we are strongest after pulling our own selves from despondency. It’s like the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. But this goes both ways… you cannot anticipate others to learn from their mistakes nor cease to repeat them if you constantly enable folks through their problems. And you equally can’t anticipate others to always be your personal savior.

Although I had an idea of the notion of how the universe works, I never did fully understand it. The universe, God, karma, etc. will make returns on your investments but you must put forth something for it to be invested in as well as the effort. You must also pray and speak it into existence too. It’s just like physical fitness. I didn’t get stronger sitting on my ass I had to work for it! And although I may take it slow some days or fall back, my progress is the product of my effort. Besides faith without works is dead. I try to apply that ideology to any other facet in life. If you are tired of feeling empty, find a hobby. If you are broke, stop blowing your money or find ways to make/save better. If you want what you deserve out of this world you must stop playing victim to unfortunate circumstances, work hard as fuck, and claim what you deserve in it. This new change in attitude has created new habits and a newfound appreciation for life. I’m looking forward to reaping the benefits of it.


Trust me anything is possible!

That being said, I know some of you are thinking, is that thought process selfish? No, because if you ask for my help and I offer said help that I feel is beneficial yet you don’t heed it, then you cannot be mad if the well runs dry later. This irks my soul because folks like this will remain in the same situation repeatedly and will turn right around and ask for help again for the same shit you tried to saved them from before. #sorrynotsorry

I have learned that’s probably the reason why people are so miserable because they sit back and instead of trying to fight through their fuck ups, they play victim. Then when the next person is happy or trying to be happy, here their miserable asses come. Stop doing that people! It’s stupid if not counterproductive to everyone. While I know some people cannot help their mental issues to get past this, they can at some point in a moment of lucidity know that they gotta make a change for the better. Like Mike said, “If you wanna make a change, start with the man in the mirror.” At the end of the day, we must take responsibility for our ways and stop blaming everyone else for our own shit.


Ways to be happy:

  • Don’t sit there comparing yourself to others.
  • Don’t sit there bitter because those who hurt you appear happy. (they are probably dealing with shit too)
  • Don’t sit there waiting on a magical handout to help you out.
  • Don’t sit there mad because you can’t get your way (what are you a 3 year old?)
  • Don’t sit there counting your woes and things your are stressed over.
  • Don’t forget the only one who can truly stop you is you.
  • Don’t sit there waiting & preying on me to fail.

Anyways, this blog was not about the fuckery of others but my own. It’s not to fuss about what everyone else is or isn’t doing. I think I will save that for a bitch blog later on. I wanted to take a minute to focus on the fact that I am steadily I have been reaching goals, physically, financially, mentally and emotionally. As well as why I fell off. It was no one’s fault for any of the choices I have made in my teens or young adult life. Because at the end of it all, I have to answer for my shit & ask myself if I did all within my power to make things better. I may not be going at the speed of the hare but I intend on winning the race just as the tortoise did. Over the next few months, I may come off cold but I have some real shit to handle and I am not letting anything except the Most High stop me and even then I will use that to guide me…not discourage me. Roadblocks will come I am sure but and that’s ok. But I will not allow myself to let other people get in my way… including my own self. Now you can sit there and applaud me, be inspired by me or you can hate on me… but what will not happen is anyone stopping me!!!

That being said the woman in the mirror that I see myself becoming is a beast and is giving me the chills and feels… I can tell she moves different!

I gotta get my shit together because I have work to do!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies


Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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