Claiming the Universe

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I know it’s been a while since posting but I have been so focused on specific tasks right about now. Namely one that I won’t reveal just yet. (sorry just wait on it)

I am at a point and place in my life where I am finally manifesting everything I want in and out of life. I have zero fucks left to give if it hurts or offends the next person. Why? Because how many times in life have we put on hold the things that we deserve, need and/or want for another individual who could not make returns on our investments towards them? Too many perhaps! Yes that includes those that would try to but could not and those who had every intention to. Sorry but I can’t feed myself on good intentions.

While I have no problems cheering on others or supporting them in some way if feasible, I cannot allow my own dreams to suffer. I mean what is the point of life if not to live it? Everyone can use support but I never want to look back with regret on the things I didn’t do for myself.

I believe that there is a balance in the universe and if you are too busy trying to tip the scales by waiting on the universe to give while you in turn do absolute shit, well you’re not gonna be happy.

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While you should never turn down a person in need that you could’ve helped or ever hold anyone else back, ultimately you should not be responsible to clean up everyone else’s fuck ups all the time. I mean where the hell is the accountability in that? I don’t mind helping you get through a rough patch or helping see your dreams come true but we are strongest after pulling our own selves from despondency. It’s like the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. But this goes both ways… you cannot anticipate others to learn from their mistakes nor cease to repeat them if you constantly enable folks through their problems. And you equally can’t anticipate others to always be your personal savior.

Although I had an idea of the notion of how the universe works, I never did fully understand it. The universe, God, karma, etc. will make returns on your investments but you must put forth something for it to be invested in as well as the effort. You must also pray and speak it into existence too. It’s just like physical fitness. I didn’t get stronger sitting on my ass I had to work for it! And although I may take it slow some days or fall back, my progress is the product of my effort. Besides faith without works is dead. I try to apply that ideology to any other facet in life. If you are tired of feeling empty, find a hobby. If you are broke, stop blowing your money or find ways to make/save better. If you want what you deserve out of this world you must stop playing victim to unfortunate circumstances, work hard as fuck, and claim what you deserve in it. This new change in attitude has created new habits and a newfound appreciation for life. I’m looking forward to reaping the benefits of it.

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Trust me anything is possible!

That being said, I know some of you are thinking, is that thought process selfish? No, because if you ask for my help and I offer said help that I feel is beneficial yet you don’t heed it, then you cannot be mad if the well runs dry later. This irks my soul because folks like this will remain in the same situation repeatedly and will turn right around and ask for help again for the same shit you tried to saved them from before. #sorrynotsorry

I have learned that’s probably the reason why people are so miserable because they sit back and instead of trying to fight through their fuck ups, they play victim. Then when the next person is happy or trying to be happy, here their miserable asses come. Stop doing that people! It’s stupid if not counterproductive to everyone. While I know some people cannot help their mental issues to get past this, they can at some point in a moment of lucidity know that they gotta make a change for the better. Like Mike said, “If you wanna make a change, start with the man in the mirror.” At the end of the day, we must take responsibility for our ways and stop blaming everyone else for our own shit.

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Ways to be happy:

  • Don’t sit there comparing yourself to others.
  • Don’t sit there bitter because those who hurt you appear happy. (they are probably dealing with shit too)
  • Don’t sit there waiting on a magical handout to help you out.
  • Don’t sit there mad because you can’t get your way (what are you a 3 year old?)
  • Don’t sit there counting your woes and things your are stressed over.
  • Don’t forget the only one who can truly stop you is you.
  • Don’t sit there waiting & preying on me to fail.

Anyways, this blog was not about the fuckery of others but my own. It’s not to fuss about what everyone else is or isn’t doing. I think I will save that for a bitch blog later on. I wanted to take a minute to focus on the fact that I am steadily I have been reaching goals, physically, financially, mentally and emotionally. As well as why I fell off. It was no one’s fault for any of the choices I have made in my teens or young adult life. Because at the end of it all, I have to answer for my shit & ask myself if I did all within my power to make things better. I may not be going at the speed of the hare but I intend on winning the race just as the tortoise did. Over the next few months, I may come off cold but I have some real shit to handle and I am not letting anything except the Most High stop me and even then I will use that to guide me…not discourage me. Roadblocks will come I am sure but and that’s ok. But I will not allow myself to let other people get in my way… including my own self. Now you can sit there and applaud me, be inspired by me or you can hate on me… but what will not happen is anyone stopping me!!!

That being said the woman in the mirror that I see myself becoming is a beast and is giving me the chills and feels… I can tell she moves different!

I gotta get my shit together because I have work to do!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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The Single Status Sentence

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Although this isn’t really a writing on the wall per se. Still I am tagging it such because this is more than a mere random thought. It pertains to some real world, life shit and that would-be-dreaded life sentence of being single.

Why the hell is it so important to have and to hold? Often I wonder what is the point!

This post was inspired by an interaction I had with some fellow. He wanted to get to know me and honestly, I wanted to be on my way. But when he said he was single and I said that I was too, he quickly responded, let me fix that! Like WHAAAT? WTF? I’m not broken. I knew what his intentions were so I wasn’t upset and so I responded that, there was nothing to fix. Personally I think it’s hogwash!

I don’t think being single or in a relationship is what people make it out to be. Personally for me, I am happy being unhitched. The reason I chose to stay single was because I learned the value of truly loving myself. Besides who knows what you settle on trying to find somebody. Now I am not saying I want to be “alone” forever or shackled up… I am however definitely glad & damn sure I want to be sucka-free and fuckboy free!

I know some of you think that my past relationships have made me bitter but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m actually “better” because I am not upset or pissed about the folks who I devoted my time to. For a while I kicked myself for allowing my time to be wasted. But I look back appreciating the blessing in the lesson. I finally learned what I deserve and what I refuse to put up with. I am just focused on how I spend my time with myself before I concern myself with who. Now some of you who have been single for years on end (or impatiently months) may think it’s the worst thing ever. But not me!

Why?

Because being single is not a life sentence nor is it a status to judge your life by. Being alone is different than being lonely. Being single means you are strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on another soul to create that happiness for you. Besides who is better at knowing what I want?

Me!

While there may be some tasks that are better with more than a party of one. There are ways and friends waiting to be made in the world. Swap it up, hang with a few select folks in your spare time…figure it out. Instead of waiting on someone to do it for you, why not do it for yourself?

We have allowed the world to convince us that doing things by ourselves is bad & codependency is the way to go. That is the dumbest shit ever when you think about it! Now if you have a life partner who you don’t mind being with that makes you happy, that’s awesome. If you have friends that you kick it with, also awesome. If you have things you like to do alone that give you peace, also awesome! And you know what’s ultra awesome about all of those things is that, you can mix them up at the same time…well not exactly…but there is no rule saying that you have to be sired to just one.

We all say it but rarely do we ever actually do what it takes to make our own selves happy. I took a vow to eat better, spend money wiser, be active, stop procrastinating, do things that made me happy and lastly stop stressing. (Working on that last one)

It’s not easy putting yourself first or even on occasion saying no to the things that don’t bring you some kind of peace or flat out irk the living shit out of you.

Yep…you are not required to be involved in everything or with everyone.

Today’s the day that I not only reached a fitness milestone (-30 lbs)

Importantly, 8-9 months ago, I had just got out of a relationship (although it ended without me knowing much sooner…guess that’s how cheaters roll). It took me a while to not be bitter and simmer in the hurt & pain not to mention I use that towards a positive and better me. But the most important thing about today was that it makes 6 months after I truly decided to reclaim myself (I gave myself a month or so to get right). I mean if you don’t love yourself, your inner awesomeness will continue to be blocked by the “need” to be with someone. Not that it’s anything wrong with companionship but let’s face it, loving yourself prevents you from chasing people who won’t or don’t love you either. It also makes you strong enough to wait for the right one…even if Mr/Ms Right is you.

You know when you’re being treated wrong, so why put up with it?

Learn to love your inner Vixen, Wonder Woman or whoever inspires your fire. Just look at me in a year’s time… Changes happen for a reason. And if you don’t believe that, then remember this… If you’re life starts to get better after you leave people and things alone…then you’re on the right track.

Lastly remember being happy is not just a mantra I say, it’s something I intend on staying no matter what the circumstances. I remember looking at myself and whispering you deserve better but never believing it and possibly feeling I deserved it. I rather be solo than be in a fake ass relationship anyway so instead of rebounding or trying to get back on the road towards a spousal horse, I am using the time to grow!

I found myself pissed off recently because someone didn’t understand me and on top of that, we failed to communicate.

Honestly, it’s fucking retarded to be upset or react to another reaction that wasn’t the one you thought you should get. That alone proved I am not ready to be with anybody.

So to that guy, I wasn’t trying to shoot you down because I felt better than you. It was because I am still on my path that doesn’t have room for anyone else yet. I may inspire along the way but the truth is I still have a ways to go. And that goes for anyone…don’t let life pass you by!! Go get your happiness…

Next on my bucket list: Seeing the world, Thrill seeking shit like race car driving, acting & skydiving!!!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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Polygamy? What’s the point? Let’s argue!

So I see a lot of talk about polygamy and usually I rarely will chime in my opinion. But I actually got to thinking and it dawned on me that it’s a pretty outdated notion these days.

Would I have or agree to a polygamous marriage? Am I able to handle it? Me? Nope probably not. However it isn’t because I would feel neglected or jealous or whatsoever…shit I barely want to bother shacking up with one human on a regular anymore…so to add another human in the mix, would simply annoy me. But in this day & age especially in the branded westernized-American culture we’ve been in for centuries… it’s highly unlikely that having multiple spouses is productive. Our generation) wasn’t raised to be polygamous & thus the majority are probably not mentally/emotionally/spiritually able.

Laws aside, it’s almost financially unfeasible for most to do so. It’s hard maintaining a one-income home in this economy especially if the wives are homemakers. Some of us fail to realize that females in traditional patriarchal societies didn’t have much income, legal rights, not to mention definitely not being head of household. So polygamy was usually the means of being cared for. Today it’s not much point to polygamy as women are more able to take care of themselves (some more stable then men) not to mention, it has nothing to do with population because we’re already depleting the planet’s resources @ over 7 billion humans.

That’s just the way society has been formed these days. You can either thank or blame the women’s rights & civil rights movements but honestly it is what it is.

Now as far as religion, which I won’t touch, that’s up to the participants but the former kinda still applies especially financially.

Why?

Think about it, most monotheistic religions require both wives to be “cared” for equally. When I say cared for, I don’t mean completely to provide but rather that the 2nd wife is supposed to get what the 1st gets. And if that’s not the case, let’s say that the it’s for the purpose for childbirth where the first wife is unable to bear or raise a child. Couple this with other stipulations that come into play…it pretty much makes this whole thing a tough act in the US of A.

Case in point: Husband marries 1st wife, then later 2nd. First of all, he can’t even give her the same simple tax filing rights, can’t claim her on benefits nor does she have any claim to whatever he should bequeath in his untimely demise…that goes to…ding ding ding… The first Wife! All that aside, most states if not all don’t even recognize polygamy and in most cases is punishable by law! Aside from faith, if a union not matched in man’s law, which is carried in “heaven” were to be made wouldn’t make it null and void somewhere? Making it then fornication? So what differentiates it from a plain old threesome? Or orgy?

Not saying that this is what polygamy boils down to but that’s the ignorant thought process of the average person these days.

All that aside, what about multiple husbands? Can a bride have multiple husbands… I’m curious and asking for a friend?

Honestly is it all worth it? I could go into further detail but you get the point. That being said, I am not saying polygamy is wrong or right. I am just saying it’s not worth the headache at least legally. Especially when most dudes only have threesomes and orgies in mind. 😁

And even if they don’t, still the laws that govern us don’t make any of it simple. Like I said, it’s not that I say it’s right or wrong… It’s just rather tedious and pointless. For all of that, just move to where it is permissible or start a petition. All that aside, what about multiple husbands? Can a bride have multiple husbands… Asking for a friend? 🤷

Hell, go to Congress.

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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Poem of thought 69

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It’s 2 in the morning

After the drinks my words are slurring

All of a sudden my mind is racing

I don’t know what these demons are I’m chasing

I am the definition of a drunken Insomniac

I guess now is the best time to see where my mind is at

These words I choose to say

Are better left said while you sleep The Night Away

I’m not sure what’s going on inside of me

But every version of my personality is antsy and aching

I have so much shit I want to say to you

About the intense things I want to do to you

But I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit

A part of me wants to just say fuck it

I know deep down in my soul I’m not ready for something serious and I don’t deny it

I just want you inside of me, serious shit

I know I know it’s wrong to feel this way

It’s taking everything to work so hard to hide away

All of all of my urges are so strong right now

Escaping every bit of strength to keep those parts of me down

I know it’s probably the alcohol talking shit

And my mind and my body are far from in sync

I’m not sure how my words are even rhyming right now

I can’t even tell the difference between a noun and a vowel

I’m fighting the last inside of me and trying hard to stay abstinent

But your words are implanted in my brain and now I want the rest of it

For weeks we’ve been building up tension

For years I thought something that I shouldn’t even mention

I set rules in place to keep my heart safe

But my libido has something else different to say

Maybe one day I’ll look back and think I’m doing the wrong thing

But I rather saying wrong things then to regret doing nothing

So I’m going to let the chips fall where they may

And let this tequila pick the words I’m going to say

Fuck the rules fuck what they have to say

It’s time I do what makes me happy and now I want to play

No more writer’s block.

The only thing I want to say right now is don’t stop

Me Myself & I

DIW RANDOM THOUGHTS

I recently went out on a date not too (too) long ago and while it was a fun time, not to mention me having a good time for once, I must admit I thought I would’ve felt more happy or something in good company. All I could think about was all the shit I had to do afterwards, my writing and Call of Duty. At first I thought it was him. But then I went on another date and it wasn’t their company either. I mean she was awesome too.

Then it dawned on me that the problem or shall I say in this example, solution…was me. So when I found time, I did a little experiment. I went out on a dinner date solo (yep all by myself) and guess what?

I really fucking loved it!

Now I am not conceited or stuck or on myself or even a narcissist. And don’t get me wrong, I do like being a social butterfly. However, what I came to realize is that I enjoy me, myself and I. While this has made me a tad introverted, I won’t lie, it shed light on a particular thing that I’ve ignored… which was the fact I had spent too much time & the best years of my adult life on people (who were in my life longer than they deserved to be). No matter what my foolery, I clung onto the ideology that I need to be partnered with someone and that being single is the most horrible thing ever.

Now I am not saying that I want to be alone the remainder of my days or unmarried. But I figure the reason why I spent so much time unhappy within in a relationship was not only because of the men (or women) I chose but because how I saw myself while with them. To quote Perks of Being a Wallflower: “…we accept the love we think we deserve…” Even if we don’t know it, often times we deserve better but we bounce from relationship to relationship without giving ourselves adequate time to heal and find true love. Somewhere down the line we eventually feel like shit about it and the cycle repeats itself later on. We search for answers in faith, friends, family, work or whatever everywhere but within the soul.

And this quest doesn’t have to have a timestamp. Think about the fact that we spend half our lives searching for for the right one, the rest of our lives dealing with that decision and whatever is left trying to find ourselves.

I came to the conclusion until I am where and who I want to be not to mention ready to share myself and welcome others, I have no intention on being with anyone in any shape form or fashion. Call me selfish but I am only halfway there & I don’t intend on messing it up with random or casual sex either. Because we as human are so addicted to companionship that we are OK with being a side-piece or abused/neglected by others. And if I’m allowed to play Devil’s Advocate, we also screw things up for others because we’re not truly ready to open ourselves up… oblivious to it even.

When you first become happy with yourself, then you will be truly happy with others. More importantly, we learn to no longer settle. Now there may be some of you that are at that point already…and I applaud you but this here is my official (if not 10th) time in life to find myself. And I ain’t getting any younger so I need get my shit together soon.

Besides if you can’t be happy with you and you alone…why or how do you expect someone else to be happy with you? At this point in my life, I am more worried about the time I’ve wasted with the wrong one than what I “wasted” by myself thus far. Because trust me, the time I have spent single has been everything but wasted. Shit, while so many of us females, especially black females are out here talking about how happy we are by saying that we don’t know where we’d be without “him” we hide the possibility that we could probably be much farther in life. It’s not to say the bad relationships aren’t lessons but often times we stretch shit longer than we should.

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So I am going to sit back and sip my wine…enjoy some more writing, gaming, travelling and everything life has to offer but moreso I intend to continue discovering what makes me awesome. It’s okay to be a little selfish and to be alone with your thoughts. Use that time to mold those thoughts into positive ones.

Oh and not to dig too deep… there will be people who think that you are selfish because you want more “me” time. However there’s nothing wrong with that. It is totally okay. Don’t become a hermit in the hills or anything…that is just overkill still do not let others rush you. And definetly don’t let them trick you into thinking that you are an asshole because you tell them no for whatever. You are not obligated to be or do things with people. Some folks who are in turn afraid to be solo (or tired of it) and will force you to believe that you should be too…

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But that’s not so! Saying no doesn’t make you selfish especially if you’re always saying yes! So sit back folks, enjoy the show and just wait for it…

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
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Are We All BiPolar?

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I think I am fucking bipolar.

I haven’t been clinically diagnosed but it recently dawned on me… One minute, I’m manic and overjoy
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Then the next, I hate the fucking world.|
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Now don’t worry about me, I’m fully functional and all.  I just think there’s a tiny misfire somewhere in my head. Is this a cry for help or is it me coming down off of my own high? Is this me pulling your leg or trying to lean on your shoulder. I only ask because there is no way one could withstand the level of fuckery that I do with a smile….unless I am without a doubt fucking loony?!?
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That being said, I am fine. Despite life’s ups and downs, I am blessed.

I know that mental health is no joking matter but if I am struggling around a few emotions stirred with a few events that affect my mood day to day, I wonder how it is for those who cannot deal? I mean I keep it together on the outside, I meditate and focus my energy but I know that in the back of my head, if unchecked I am a ticking time bomb.

Take a moment to ponder…

Imagine being trapped inside of your own head or a prisoner of your own emotions… but instead of having a way to channel them or controlling them…they control you.

Imagine clinging to only the good memories others made for you because you lost yourself in them.  You did this only to escape yourself and in turn pushed them all away.

There are voices in your head telling you one thing or another.  You don’t know who/what to listen to or not. The consume every part of you.

They control the relationships you form or destroy.  Like a drug, you’re addicted to the chaos of your own malicious mind.

And then one day you wake up, happy and refreshed.  You have a new outlook on life. Everything is without a doubt beautiful. Things no longer haunt, hurt or anger you. You are free to do whatever you want and you have a newfound confidence.

And then fear sets it, that at any moments time, it can all go away and you will be back to being miserable and being controlled by your own demons.

Scary shit, right?

Regardless of such, I know one thing is a constant…

No matter what I’m dealing with, no matter how good it gets or bad it turns out…

Writing will always be my go to weapon of choice. Whether I need to cry, vent or kill someone (er…just joking), I know that I can fully express myself here. My silent but deadly voice.

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer

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Soda Made My Kid Fat

No lack of going outside & playing made your kid fat!
If liberal parents are going to criticize & even sue soda making companies, fast food chains & junk food snack producers… Then you might as well point some of the blame at video game makers, computer tech companies, hell even the internet for allowing your kids to sit around doing nothing all damn day! Stop blaming crappy food companies for your kids being overweight or overactive. Let their assed go out & play. Crappy foods YOU buy for them nonetheless! Yeah I know safety can be an issue but it’s no excuse.
But here’s a better bet… Blame yourselves moms & dads, instead of pointing fingers at the companies responsible for marketing ads towards kids. So bitchslap yourselves too for not having the decent sense to make them get off of their asses & burn calories!
All those electronic devices you let them zone out to keep out of your way on…that’s all on you!

But in hindsight, you little fuckers need to get up & do something! I tell my kid to get up, workout, play or something. She doesn’t wanna listen to me, well it’s on her… Not to be cruel but at the end of the day, if you don’t wanna have heart disease or feel shitty or be unhealthy, then that’s up to you.

If I workout,  she or anyone else can totally get to sweating with me. I won’t force or beg. I mean you can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink…

Well I could always take away the WiFi… 😈

 Well til next time kiddies…

Shalom

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer

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The Drunken Insomniac Writer is NOW on Tumblr: Home of the Drunken Insomniac Writer

Check out my YouTube channel & subscribe to: https://www.youtube.com/user/RSLEWIStheauthor