Mid-life Crisis: Guess What? You’re Not in Your 20s Anymore!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Graduation day: Four years of high school & memories made! All the drama & adolescent fun now behind you, your eyes set on a myriad of future possibilities, the world is your oyster and you’re ready to take it on full speed ahead! For some folks it’s a dreams come true.
high-school-graduation
For the rest of us…well…
Fast forward 20 years!!

FUCK!

Here you are sitting at a job you most likely despise to pay bills & buy shit you don’t need for assholes you probably don’t like! Or worst you tried to live your dream & either some stupid mistakes impaled it or your screwed up somewhere. You may be broke or even incarcerated. Maybe it was society? Maybe it was a series if bad decisions. Perhaps peer pressure or just the fucked up possibility that shit just happens!

Either way you’ve come to the realization that your life has passed you by & if you’re lucky it added on about 20 lbs. or so to boot.¬†You’ve maybe even tried to smarten up & save money for a rainy day or special moment. But if life has taught you anything, it’s that you’re caught in a constant shit storm with no umbrella! ūüí©‚ėĒ

Cue in mid-life crisis!

It’s that perpetual rat race where you know your strides are longer than everyone else’s & though your legs seem to be longer or moving quicker than most, face it you’re going nowhere & fast!
Things started so well & promising. Shit things may have even faired well for a while but the possibility of poor choices fucked it up for you.
Quite simply you’re unhappy. Everyone else seems to be winning but you. It’s ok though, it gets better. There’s always chocolate cake & ice cream day in the nursing home in about another 40 years or so from now!

What the hell went wrong? Life was so promising!

But there’s hope! The race isn’t over. You still got gas in the tank & there’s life in you yet. Behold there is a God and there is a solution out there somewhere. You just need that proverbial push of motivation to get you back on track.

The way I see it is that your mistakes, setbacks & poor choices or lack thereof (procrastination) have molded you into a much wiser adversary. Now you’re more equipped to deal with life better¬†than the “20-something version of you. You know well the consequences of right & wrong. Hopefully¬†these days you’re the type of person who learns from mistakes instead of dwelling on them or even worse…repeating them. Either way life isn’t over neither is the fight! You’re Rocky after fighting Apollo Creed!

rocky1rocky face

Sure you lost the match but you’re a winner for trying and the fight is far from over…besides you kick ass in the sequel (wink wink) LOL.

rocky  art museum

Well until next time Kiddies,

Shalom ūüėČ

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: @Insomniac_Writer

Advertisements

I Don’t Think Britney Spears’ Song Meant This! (A Bitch Blog)

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I see my friends who range from late 20s to early 40s already embarked on the next chapter in their lives, either in love or their careers. Yet¬†it feels as if I’m starting all over in both. Gladly I have embarked on a sort of financial stability through my own little startup biz and I am pretty much happy for the most part that it is doing well. But on a mushy note, I am like Mary here…¬†You know the song, Share my World.

You know who & what you want. You know how much you’re feeling them & how much you have & would invest in one another. I mean the love is beautiful in its own way.

But this ain’t that kind of blog….

Oops…I think I did it again??!!
BRITNEY_OOPSPardon the series of incorrect punctuation but the real issue here¬†is that¬†I’m sitting here in my car thinking that I may have gotten myself in the same predicament that I normally would bitch about & despise. Not to say I cannot unspin this web of fuckery but I ask myself… Do I really want to? A part of me does but the other half is like NOPE… FUCK IT!
SavedPicture-2013114123724.jpgBut in any event, here I am writing one of¬†my Bitch Blogs that’s not so bitchy but a reflection¬†of sorts!¬†If you’re old enough you probably remember those After-school Specials that used to come on TV. Well there’s always some kid surrounded by dumb shits who try to get him/her to do something dumb like drugs, stealing from the same mom/pop convenient store or premarital sex in their parents bed.
after school special doing drugs

Well here I am that precautious kid who knows the fuck better but those so clich√© statements sound so enticingly enthralling, “Try it!” Be one of the cool kids!” “It can’t hurt just this once!” & Blah Blah Blah.

Maybe it’s just me trying to deal with an early mid-life crisis. Maybe I’m being tested for an metaphorical exam I studied for but my partying the night before has me staring at a piece of paper like a stupid schmuck!

I¬†know what I have to offer and better yet what I am worth but it’s as if my focus has been fucking sideswiped. It’s annoying as hell especially for an control freak! Do I channel a higher power? Do I retreat? Stand still? Keep up with the fuckery hoping it’ll change?

Who knows?

I’m never this unsure of things! That being said the catalyst is so not something that would make me go insane but then again I am an indecisive Libra… ūüėí.

Usually when you have to question your own motives, as our After School monologue would say, chances are it may be your own conscious & reasoning trying to warn you or it could be cold feet! Either way it’s life. You have to experience it to well…experience it! Either way I hope it’s the latter & I’m here to be the guiding light for others.

FUCK!!!!!

WHY CAN’T I JUST WIN THE DAMN POWERBALL OR MEGA MILLIONS?????
would-winning-the-lottery-change-your-lifeLike money would even help… Especially when the part of my life that trades good sex with feelings of love comes crashing. And don’t throw in the fact that it’s more than physical mojo. Companionship isn’t always the type you want or need. Then again sometimes it is.
goodbadWell that’s my thoughts for today… Until next time kiddies, time for me to get started on the next chapter of my next book & my life…again! ūüė©ūüėí

bitch blog kitty

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: @Insomniac_Writer

What is LOVE exactly?

RANDOM THOUGHTS

How do you define love? Being in love? Do you think you’re capable of trusting someone with your emotional & mental self so completely that you can give all of you to them?

What do you do when you realize that someone has given themselves to you in such a manner?

What does “falling” in love mean in a world that constantly reminds us to “fall back” instead in times of stress or even duress?

Is it this emotion that separates from animals and their instincts? Why do we love objects more than other humans?

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: Insomniac_Writer

A Time for Change

A long time ago I found myself questioning the people I associated myself with.¬†A decade¬†later I can’t believe I’m fucking doing it again.¬†I mean it’s as if¬†at 33 years old¬†my judgment of character hadn’t improved. I mean at one point in my life I came to the conclusion that I needed to take accountability & responsibility for not only the things I did or the people I associated with but the things I allowed others to do for, to & around me!¬†I mean at the end of the day, you can get mad about being around people that hurt you or quite simply you can tell them to piss off.

Why do us humans, more specifically women allow shitty and detrimental people around us…only to complain about it all later?

WTF Katt Williams

The God above will only protect you from so much harm especially if you keep pulling someone who doesn’t wanna be around you…and more crucially someone who¬†God doesn’t want around you! If he¬†sends warning¬†signs of a bad thing and you don’t heed them early on, who else can you blame but yourself?¬†Even if you’re not a believer in a higher power, still you¬†should have the good sense to know when to cease dealings with¬†certain people, places or things.

We need to stop allowing people to maintain a position in our lives beyond their expiration date! Would you drink sour milk? FUCK NO! So why continue to be consumed by a sour person when you don’t have to be? I deserve better! So do you! There’s an ass for every chair out here! Don’t miss out an opportunity on a sure thing standing & waiting around on shit!¬†Besides you will only end up chasing someone who does not want to be chased. It’s a waste of time, energy & effort on the wrong individuals when the person God or fate has intended is slipping away from you.

picture that shit

And especially don’t¬†drown yourself in a sorry pity party¬†about it later because being alone for a moment seemed scarier than feeling lonely for a lifetime.

It’s not only stupid but it makes zero fucking sense. Besides no one wants to hear or join that pity party with you.

pity party sheldon

Life is all about finding your purpose on this watery rock and importantly being content. This was not a bitch blog… which was why I chose the song attached. My grandfather,¬†Yahweh Rest His Soul, loved this song. I did too but for some reason¬†I truly see the message behind it.¬†My message is not only one of accountability but to tell you the less time you invest (and worry) in the things that leave you unfulfilled, the happier you will be!

Make the rest of your life, the best of your life!

If at any point in time you find it hard to be happy, workout!!! Go for a run, walk, do Zumba and repeat consecutively during every week! You will feel better. Exercise is the most underused anti-depressant.

 be happy workout
(REAL SWEAT HERE)

Well that’s all for now kiddies… Till next time!

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: @Insomniac_Writer

Randon Thoughts of Melancholy

wotw_titleweb (2)

I ripped a piece of my self out… I can never get it back. Why? I hate this feeling now. I can’t stop crying. What’s worse is that the one person who could pray for me is gone. It’s pathetic even that I can’t even dedicate all of my tears to her… Where they belong.
It’s as if I deserve to lament my sins. I guess I should wallow in the pain of my own creating. I tell myself it was meant to be to feel better. I tell everyone that I’m okay because it sounds better that way. I¬†smile because believe it or not it’s easy. I believe the lie.
But the truth is…. I’m not okay.
Grievance & bereavement at the same time.
And worst part is that no one will really know why…
I wake up everyday wanting to feel irreplaceable but the truth is I look in my own eyes and know that anyone can take my place. I look at my child and try to be strong for her but the irony is everyday I feel like I failed her. Looking for some kind of peace & happiness. My joys are never permanent. I push away the people that truly care for¬†temporary physical fixes that make me feel more emptier than ever. Not because I want to. Perhaps I am a masochist in every essence of the word. What’s a life worth living if we only want things we don’t need? Some look at me¬†and say I should be grateful. Others look at me and think I’m asking¬†for too much…
I can’t be happy because I sacrifice it to my own selfish delusions.
Go figure.

Only God can help me… Because I saved the judgment for myself…

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: @Insomniac_Writer

My Own

The following Writing on the Wall is inspired by not only my Hump Day Thought of the Week.¬† It is brought to you by the foolishness that was my own.¬† I latched on to a ghost that I created because I couldn’t deal with what was in front of me at the time and quite frankly still is…

I guess I too am the Dumbass of the Day too… Go Figure!

dumbassblog

The Insomniac with the words of wisdom didn’t and wouldn’t heed them! Not the first time but shit happens! But here goes, Ladies and Gents…

wotw_titleweb (2)

Wearing my heart on my sleeve is like walking through fire with gasoline
Expecting not to get burned, hoping not scorched by the seams of a foolish dream

I anticipated the outcome of a situation I warned myself against and yet instead
I remained delusional and I contemplated a different result in my own twisted head

I procrastinated using my own common sense and for what?
A few laughs and a free fuck?

Life has a way of preventing danger and yet we confuse what we need
With what we want and pretend to be confused when our scars bleed

I am twisted with my own fate that I stood in front of and yet I ignored
My heart obliterated from the choices I made because of the people I adorned

I can’t forget how I wanted to feel. I can’t pretend to hate any of those days
But it was the cost of my own sanity that I should’ve walked the other way

I trusted in a lie

I believed in a fairy tale that wasn’t my own.

I trusted in a lie

I created a fairy tale that wasn’t my own.

I trusted a lie

I pretended to not to see

I trusted a lie

And so the very fault of my pain is on me

Because the fairy tale… that lie…
was the result of a situation-ship,
I pretended to be a relationship
because I had no heart to face a hardship
or my being alone
when in turn I ended up more alone
more than¬†I ever had been…on my own
Now again, alone and on my own

It is this that¬†I created and refused some fucking foolishness to leave…

When I should’ve chose otherwise

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: Insomniac_Writer

Like Lazarus… I’M BACK


Okay, it‚Äôs been a minute since I‚Äôve been on the blog scene. Honestly, for personal reasons I was contemplating not coming back to it at all. Not because of what’s going on in my life that appears to be¬†shitty but because of the positive aspects as well.¬† The time¬†just¬†doesn’t seem to be¬†on my side to commit to the blog page.¬†However,¬†the truth is I can‚Äôt stay away. Writing is and will always be my first love, my bitch‚Ķ It’s even surpassed sketching & painting, which I adorned from¬†a tender, young age. Despite a laundry list of¬†pros & cons¬†to¬†staying or leaving… I have had so many reasons to chuck up the deuces…
SavedPicture-2014227174949.jpg

But the main reasons why I wanted to say fuck it were because first my PC crashed a little over a month ago, to top it off the archiving of all of my blogs that were on MySpace were totally lost¬†JUST when¬†I had finally gotten access to them after so long.¬† I was really devastated‚Ķ¬†another hard blow below the belt.¬† I mean the legacy to how I became what & who I am‚Ķ had been Fuckin‚Äô obliterated! I was going to¬†keep the blog page of Drunken Insomniac Writer open, mainly for shit’s & giggles or nostalgia but I was for the most part ready to let¬†this all¬†be another closed chapter in my life. Even the name & entity of Drunken Insomniac Writer (Insomniac_Writer for short) were going to be stripped away from my current social media.full-garbage-can

Then I had to deal with some money issues… yeah Ms. Cheap-Don’t waste a dime on dumb shit or people was broke! I allowed myself to become consumed. Had to deal with some mommy-daughter issues! Then I got a second job or should I say created a second job as I had begun my own business apart from the author thing! Things were looking up.  I even maintained my fitness regiment (well to be honest… I didn’t fall off too much! LOL)

And then it happened… My grandmother passed away (which I will share more of when I am actually able to)! I couldn’t deal anymore. This was one of the hardest blows I took in my adult life, with my grandfather passing just a decade ago, as well as other shit that I’m still learning to cope with. I started snapping at everything, anything, everyone & anyone! I mean I am still dealing with it.

And then I remembered what it was that truly help me stay grounded.

My Writing…
Writing-2

And so again‚Ķ I decided to bring my pain to paper. When I say pain, you have no clue how deep my cuts were! My writing has kept the grip of death itself away.¬† When I felt as if life wasn‚Äôt worth a ‚Äúfuck-about-it‚ÄĚ ‚Ķit was then that I put my pain on paper! I don‚Äôt care if I was writing a poem, sonnet, story or even a rant about something‚Ķ I freed myself without neglecting my issues or pretending they didn‚Äôt exist. Most chose to drink, party or smoke. I mean, that‚Äôs all cool but it doesn‚Äôt make the bullshit go away. If anything, it can increase the stress of what’s actually going on.

But for me it’s always been and will always be¬†my writing… It¬†allows me to approach, cope, analyze, dissect and solve many of my problems. So many thing’s I’ve jotted down here or there….so many stories I’ve told, regardless if it was to an audience of 1 or 100!

It is the doctor and the drug to the cure of life’s woes and worries!

Life had become the bullet in the chamber of a gun pressed against my temple…

Life¬†was the razor blade pressed against my wrists…

The irony of it all is that life is meant to be lived not lamented. And sadly I was beyond that.  I kept going day to day in the real world but mentally I had committed suicide. I killed dreams, goals and any remnants of ambition I had ever had. This wasn’t some regular procrastination shit. This was me giving up…

But yet again my writing saved my life…
SavedPicture-2013227115116.jpg

It¬†is here and now¬†that I’ve decided to pick up a bottle of wine, pour me a glass and find a pen (or some cases a keyboard) and start the healing process for MYSELF. The fitness thing is still a major part of fixing healing & it will always help me maintain my sanity.

But again my first love, my bitch‚Ķ is writing! She‚Äôs that ride or die chick that no matter how often you stray, she will be there for you & have your back. If I need to Set it Off, it is here that I will…

My pen & My paper are my ammo!
set it off

No more using lack of time as an excuse because truthfully, all we have is time! We just don’t manage it wisely! So it is here that I won’t promise a daily blog or posting each day of the week but I will promise to myself and all of you that I will write everyday.

And so¬†the Drunken Insomniac Writer is back‚Ķ again… honestly!

SavedPicture-2014224122723.jpg

Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Twitter: @Nsomniac_Writer
Follow the Drunken Insomniac Writer on Instagram: Insomniac_Writer