Claiming the Universe

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I know it’s been a while since posting but I have been so focused on specific tasks right about now. Namely one that I won’t reveal just yet. (sorry just wait on it)

I am at a point and place in my life where I am finally manifesting everything I want in and out of life. I have zero fucks left to give if it hurts or offends the next person. Why? Because how many times in life have we put on hold the things that we deserve, need and/or want for another individual who could not make returns on our investments towards them? Too many perhaps! Yes that includes those that would try to but could not and those who had every intention to. Sorry but I can’t feed myself on good intentions.

While I have no problems cheering on others or supporting them in some way if feasible, I cannot allow my own dreams to suffer. I mean what is the point of life if not to live it? Everyone can use support but I never want to look back with regret on the things I didn’t do for myself.

I believe that there is a balance in the universe and if you are too busy trying to tip the scales by waiting on the universe to give while you in turn do absolute shit, well you’re not gonna be happy.

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While you should never turn down a person in need that you could’ve helped or ever hold anyone else back, ultimately you should not be responsible to clean up everyone else’s fuck ups all the time. I mean where the hell is the accountability in that? I don’t mind helping you get through a rough patch or helping see your dreams come true but we are strongest after pulling our own selves from despondency. It’s like the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. But this goes both ways… you cannot anticipate others to learn from their mistakes nor cease to repeat them if you constantly enable folks through their problems. And you equally can’t anticipate others to always be your personal savior.

Although I had an idea of the notion of how the universe works, I never did fully understand it. The universe, God, karma, etc. will make returns on your investments but you must put forth something for it to be invested in as well as the effort. You must also pray and speak it into existence too. It’s just like physical fitness. I didn’t get stronger sitting on my ass I had to work for it! And although I may take it slow some days or fall back, my progress is the product of my effort. Besides faith without works is dead. I try to apply that ideology to any other facet in life. If you are tired of feeling empty, find a hobby. If you are broke, stop blowing your money or find ways to make/save better. If you want what you deserve out of this world you must stop playing victim to unfortunate circumstances, work hard as fuck, and claim what you deserve in it. This new change in attitude has created new habits and a newfound appreciation for life. I’m looking forward to reaping the benefits of it.

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Trust me anything is possible!

That being said, I know some of you are thinking, is that thought process selfish? No, because if you ask for my help and I offer said help that I feel is beneficial yet you don’t heed it, then you cannot be mad if the well runs dry later. This irks my soul because folks like this will remain in the same situation repeatedly and will turn right around and ask for help again for the same shit you tried to saved them from before. #sorrynotsorry

I have learned that’s probably the reason why people are so miserable because they sit back and instead of trying to fight through their fuck ups, they play victim. Then when the next person is happy or trying to be happy, here their miserable asses come. Stop doing that people! It’s stupid if not counterproductive to everyone. While I know some people cannot help their mental issues to get past this, they can at some point in a moment of lucidity know that they gotta make a change for the better. Like Mike said, “If you wanna make a change, start with the man in the mirror.” At the end of the day, we must take responsibility for our ways and stop blaming everyone else for our own shit.

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Ways to be happy:

  • Don’t sit there comparing yourself to others.
  • Don’t sit there bitter because those who hurt you appear happy. (they are probably dealing with shit too)
  • Don’t sit there waiting on a magical handout to help you out.
  • Don’t sit there mad because you can’t get your way (what are you a 3 year old?)
  • Don’t sit there counting your woes and things your are stressed over.
  • Don’t forget the only one who can truly stop you is you.
  • Don’t sit there waiting & preying on me to fail.

Anyways, this blog was not about the fuckery of others but my own. It’s not to fuss about what everyone else is or isn’t doing. I think I will save that for a bitch blog later on. I wanted to take a minute to focus on the fact that I am steadily I have been reaching goals, physically, financially, mentally and emotionally. As well as why I fell off. It was no one’s fault for any of the choices I have made in my teens or young adult life. Because at the end of it all, I have to answer for my shit & ask myself if I did all within my power to make things better. I may not be going at the speed of the hare but I intend on winning the race just as the tortoise did. Over the next few months, I may come off cold but I have some real shit to handle and I am not letting anything except the Most High stop me and even then I will use that to guide me…not discourage me. Roadblocks will come I am sure but and that’s ok. But I will not allow myself to let other people get in my way… including my own self. Now you can sit there and applaud me, be inspired by me or you can hate on me… but what will not happen is anyone stopping me!!!

That being said the woman in the mirror that I see myself becoming is a beast and is giving me the chills and feels… I can tell she moves different!

I gotta get my shit together because I have work to do!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

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The Single Status Sentence

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Although this isn’t really a writing on the wall per se. Still I am tagging it such because this is more than a mere random thought. It pertains to some real world, life shit and that would-be-dreaded life sentence of being single.

Why the hell is it so important to have and to hold? Often I wonder what is the point!

This post was inspired by an interaction I had with some fellow. He wanted to get to know me and honestly, I wanted to be on my way. But when he said he was single and I said that I was too, he quickly responded, let me fix that! Like WHAAAT? WTF? I’m not broken. I knew what his intentions were so I wasn’t upset and so I responded that, there was nothing to fix. Personally I think it’s hogwash!

I don’t think being single or in a relationship is what people make it out to be. Personally for me, I am happy being unhitched. The reason I chose to stay single was because I learned the value of truly loving myself. Besides who knows what you settle on trying to find somebody. Now I am not saying I want to be “alone” forever or shackled up… I am however definitely glad & damn sure I want to be sucka-free and fuckboy free!

I know some of you think that my past relationships have made me bitter but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m actually “better” because I am not upset or pissed about the folks who I devoted my time to. For a while I kicked myself for allowing my time to be wasted. But I look back appreciating the blessing in the lesson. I finally learned what I deserve and what I refuse to put up with. I am just focused on how I spend my time with myself before I concern myself with who. Now some of you who have been single for years on end (or impatiently months) may think it’s the worst thing ever. But not me!

Why?

Because being single is not a life sentence nor is it a status to judge your life by. Being alone is different than being lonely. Being single means you are strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on another soul to create that happiness for you. Besides who is better at knowing what I want?

Me!

While there may be some tasks that are better with more than a party of one. There are ways and friends waiting to be made in the world. Swap it up, hang with a few select folks in your spare time…figure it out. Instead of waiting on someone to do it for you, why not do it for yourself?

We have allowed the world to convince us that doing things by ourselves is bad & codependency is the way to go. That is the dumbest shit ever when you think about it! Now if you have a life partner who you don’t mind being with that makes you happy, that’s awesome. If you have friends that you kick it with, also awesome. If you have things you like to do alone that give you peace, also awesome! And you know what’s ultra awesome about all of those things is that, you can mix them up at the same time…well not exactly…but there is no rule saying that you have to be sired to just one.

We all say it but rarely do we ever actually do what it takes to make our own selves happy. I took a vow to eat better, spend money wiser, be active, stop procrastinating, do things that made me happy and lastly stop stressing. (Working on that last one)

It’s not easy putting yourself first or even on occasion saying no to the things that don’t bring you some kind of peace or flat out irk the living shit out of you.

Yep…you are not required to be involved in everything or with everyone.

Today’s the day that I not only reached a fitness milestone (-30 lbs)

Importantly, 8-9 months ago, I had just got out of a relationship (although it ended without me knowing much sooner…guess that’s how cheaters roll). It took me a while to not be bitter and simmer in the hurt & pain not to mention I use that towards a positive and better me. But the most important thing about today was that it makes 6 months after I truly decided to reclaim myself (I gave myself a month or so to get right). I mean if you don’t love yourself, your inner awesomeness will continue to be blocked by the “need” to be with someone. Not that it’s anything wrong with companionship but let’s face it, loving yourself prevents you from chasing people who won’t or don’t love you either. It also makes you strong enough to wait for the right one…even if Mr/Ms Right is you.

You know when you’re being treated wrong, so why put up with it?

Learn to love your inner Vixen, Wonder Woman or whoever inspires your fire. Just look at me in a year’s time… Changes happen for a reason. And if you don’t believe that, then remember this… If you’re life starts to get better after you leave people and things alone…then you’re on the right track.

Lastly remember being happy is not just a mantra I say, it’s something I intend on staying no matter what the circumstances. I remember looking at myself and whispering you deserve better but never believing it and possibly feeling I deserved it. I rather be solo than be in a fake ass relationship anyway so instead of rebounding or trying to get back on the road towards a spousal horse, I am using the time to grow!

I found myself pissed off recently because someone didn’t understand me and on top of that, we failed to communicate.

Honestly, it’s fucking retarded to be upset or react to another reaction that wasn’t the one you thought you should get. That alone proved I am not ready to be with anybody.

So to that guy, I wasn’t trying to shoot you down because I felt better than you. It was because I am still on my path that doesn’t have room for anyone else yet. I may inspire along the way but the truth is I still have a ways to go. And that goes for anyone…don’t let life pass you by!! Go get your happiness…

Next on my bucket list: Seeing the world, Thrill seeking shit like race car driving, acting & skydiving!!!

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

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Are We All BiPolar?

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I think I am fucking bipolar.

I haven’t been clinically diagnosed but it recently dawned on me… One minute, I’m manic and overjoy
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Then the next, I hate the fucking world.|
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Now don’t worry about me, I’m fully functional and all.  I just think there’s a tiny misfire somewhere in my head. Is this a cry for help or is it me coming down off of my own high? Is this me pulling your leg or trying to lean on your shoulder. I only ask because there is no way one could withstand the level of fuckery that I do with a smile….unless I am without a doubt fucking loony?!?
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That being said, I am fine. Despite life’s ups and downs, I am blessed.

I know that mental health is no joking matter but if I am struggling around a few emotions stirred with a few events that affect my mood day to day, I wonder how it is for those who cannot deal? I mean I keep it together on the outside, I meditate and focus my energy but I know that in the back of my head, if unchecked I am a ticking time bomb.

Take a moment to ponder…

Imagine being trapped inside of your own head or a prisoner of your own emotions… but instead of having a way to channel them or controlling them…they control you.

Imagine clinging to only the good memories others made for you because you lost yourself in them.  You did this only to escape yourself and in turn pushed them all away.

There are voices in your head telling you one thing or another.  You don’t know who/what to listen to or not. The consume every part of you.

They control the relationships you form or destroy.  Like a drug, you’re addicted to the chaos of your own malicious mind.

And then one day you wake up, happy and refreshed.  You have a new outlook on life. Everything is without a doubt beautiful. Things no longer haunt, hurt or anger you. You are free to do whatever you want and you have a newfound confidence.

And then fear sets it, that at any moments time, it can all go away and you will be back to being miserable and being controlled by your own demons.

Scary shit, right?

Regardless of such, I know one thing is a constant…

No matter what I’m dealing with, no matter how good it gets or bad it turns out…

Writing will always be my go to weapon of choice. Whether I need to cry, vent or kill someone (er…just joking), I know that I can fully express myself here. My silent but deadly voice.

Well Until Next Time Kiddies

shalom

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Today’s Anniversary

So hey guys…it’s been a while since I got to typing and putting my feelings onto the page.  But I have been trying the video blog and YouTube shit and it’s not so bad.  But today’s blog was brought to you by the letter A.

Just kidding… But the topic starts with an A as in anniversary!

I woke up realizing…well… knowing that today, 11/9 was my own D-Day.  It was the anniversary of the ex, I recently came to leave. But I didn’t wake up with sadness, which I feared.  I wasn’t even angry anymore.  I was happy…shit maybe I am going through some manic shit as a result of being bi-polar.  (OK I have not been diagnosed with that shit but I could be…idk). 

Maybe it was all the frustrations I took out on the zombies in Call of Duty. Oh yeah…I think it was the thought of giving headshots to the Nazi zombies that I confronted, level after level!

Anywho, I woke up happy today because I think that I am starting to find inner peace because as soon as I went onto Facebook, they were showing some happy memories of my ex and I.  I knew it was coming the whole “On This Day” shit and I was wondering what kind of day it would be. 

Oh and yes I cropped out our faces….no need to continue being petty.

I got to thinking about how toxic it was for me the last four years.  I pretty much was in a relationship with a black hole (where you give and give and the other half absorbs and absorbs).  If I wanted to go out, have fun, engage in anything. I had to be the one to initiate it. I paid for nearly everything.  And when I looked back at how much I did, I wondered how delusional or insecure I was.  Now before you go judging me as to why I stayed and blah blah blah, there was the whole trying to be this supportive-watch-your-man-grow thing, but that wasn’t the case. I was being sucked dry and instead of running away, I ran towards it.

Now I won’t get into details of how bad or good things were because I am happy to have helped someone get on their feet and become better…even if it meant for someone else. I no longer harbor grudges or resentment or anything that would cause me pain. Because that shit is so unhealthy and at the end of the day, like I said, I chose to stay.  But it didn’t mean it wasn’t without pain…I let it consume me to the point of wanting to exact revenge.

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I was so torn but I had to realized that I was expecting love from someone who could not give it (or would not). Now this epiphany did not come easily.  I had to go through a lot (I mean it was beyond your typical unfaithful guy…this shit was damn near deadly).  Nevertheless I got through it. Sitting here to day, happy. Why? Because I refused to let anything or anyone control my emotions like that ever again.  I needed to accept the fact that I gave permission to be treated as such in addition to the fact I didn’t accept long ago who I was choosing to be with.

And that’s what today’s blog was about: Accepting and Expecting!!!

I could be a Dumbass & stay stuck on foolery, but why?

Accept who the people are in your life but do not expect them to be someone they’re not or do something they can’t.  Remember, just because you cuddle with a snake and dress it like a puppy, doesn’t mean it won’t turn and bite you or squeeze the life outta you.  With that said you can either accept how they will treat you (good or bad), & leave or stay.  Some people are only in your lives for a brief time to teach you a lesson or to get to their intended destination.  You can’t always view it with disdain that they want to hurt you but often times they just end up doing it.

But how you live with that is up to you. You must live, learn and move on!

So today I focused more on another anniversary, It was the same day I went public with my small start up business, Philly Designated Drivers. Sometine when I met my ex…had I not met, my driving gigs probably wouldn’t have grown at that time.

So I focused on that a little… but as I look ahead, I realize that too must be concluded. (for now).  I woke up remembering that when you do the things that you love and focus more on that as a career, it feels less like a job.  So it is now that I embark on my writing career and such…blogs and all! I’m all media again baby!!!

Now I know I’ve said it before but what makes today pretty awesome, was that I look around me and see so much to be happy for, instead of being crappy about it.  Yeah I could be sad about being single but here I am no longer killing myself chasing someone who’s toxic (and he gets to be someone else’s problem). In addition to that, I realized that I had so many new and amazing people who care & loved me that, why the fuck was I pressed over anyone who wasn’t?

I’m done with the shit that made me a lesser person.  I mean it’s dumb of me to sit there and stay pressed over it.  I won’t give it power over me, shit I don’t even need to or will continue to talk about it

I have a new and awesome job at an awesome place with awesome people and oh I upgraded my old Chevy Impala to a new one!!

 So you see, each day in life is about new beginnings and starting over…or even going back to a happy point in life and reclaiming it.  My happiest day aside from bringing my child into the world was getting my book published. I missed that feeling and as I sit and write one story and edit my old manuscript…I am ready to fly!!!!

Actually…I’m not mad…odd!

Well til next time kiddies…

Shalom

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I’m ok… No really I’M NOT OK

 

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Are you stressed? Are you at your wits end? Are you unhappy? Are you unjustified? Well you are not alone…whether you suck at time management, love, relationships, money or heck even school… You are like the thousands if not millions whose stress levels and blood pressure are through the roof!

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Well I am no doctor or Zen master but I can say there are a few things I and we can do to get through it without a stroke or spontaneously combusting!

Well worry not because the things that stress you will be there regardless if you worry or not.  At least with the latter, you give yourself the opportunity to devise a plan to get away from your stressors!

It doesn’t have to be as pricey as a all-inclusive cruise. It can be a stroll, short drive (if gas level permits).

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Until Next Time Kiddies…Shalom!

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Eat, Pray, Love (er…Workout)

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Ok if you’re like me… You probably wonder why you have issues losing or controlling your weight. Despite efforts at the gym… Good health is more than just cardio & weights, it’s a lifestyle change that needs to be hit on various fronts!
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This is because your body has to fight more than calories, saturated fats & complex carbs; you also have to fend off toxins.

What are these toxins I’m talking about?
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Your body is filled with cancer causing toxins that must be removed. These cancer causing devils can come from food/beverages we take in as well as the environment down to chemicals that are used to clean our homes and manufacture our food. Shit they are even in the air we breathe Even less tangible factors such as stress can be a detriment to us.
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Here are some symptoms that may indicate you could be suffering from an overload of toxins! If that’s the case…then it’s time to detox!

craving sweet donut 1. Craving sugar or binge eating/drinking. Ok I’m not saying you can’t have a cheat-treat every now & again…hell I love my chocolate! But if you find yourself relying on sugary snacks all the time or just to get through the day, your body is not producing energy the way it should. You can boost your metabolism by cleaning out the liver.
Bloated-belly-from-periods 2. Bloating with gas or fluid retention. If you find yourself having to loosen your jeans all the time, unhealthy bacteria could be the culprit… That mess causes the gas to flux & thrive in a toxic body. If you’re retaining water, it’s because your organs in your body are trying to kick out all of the crap inside! It does it’s due diligence to dilute toxins in an effort to make their effects less harmful.
exhausted-woman fatigue 3. Fatigue, low energy & difficulty concentrating. If you find yourself always in Starbucks paying for over priced lattes & not because the cashier working the coffee-machine-thingy is hot 😉… Then chances are toxins are weighing your body down…LITERALLY! Coffee, sodas, & energy drinks can actually add to your body’s toxicity! Your ass needs to clear out all that shit out of your body (no pun intended). The most invigorating drink you can give yourself is WATER.
mood swing pms 4. Mood swings & anxiety. If you’re being a complete bitch & flying off the handle for no reason, chances it could be more than PMS! Serotonin, the feel-good neurotransmitter, is made in our stomach. So when our bodies are toxic, serotonin production often decreases, allowing other parasitic toxins such as ammonia to take over. This can cause anxiety & even depression.
woman holding her head in her hands 5. Migraines. If you’re constantly suffering from migraines & headaches… It could be that toxins, parasites & even jacked up alkaline levels irritating the central nervous system. Stress overload can cause insulin & blood pressure spikes, which can be correlated to toxic build up.
Despite us “feeling” like we are individually different, each human is pretty much the same. We were designed with a purpose, meaning our internal workings respond to all things in a very specific way. Despite us acting stupid on impulses, instinctively we are very smart. Our bodies do their best to process toxins through our liver, kidneys, lungs, & skin. But with the overwhelming amount of toxins in the world, it can put your organs into serious OT! Making healthy choices will not only take stress off of our digestive, circulatory, and lymphatic systems, but will aid in removing this toxic build up.
Here are some tips to help us all get rid of toxins.
woman-eating-salad-healthy 1. EAT Whole, Nutrient-Dense Foods at least 80% of the time. It’s ok to indulge sometimes & have those cheat-treats but not everyday. Put down that donut & grab a damn apple!
Sweat_Workout 2. SWEAT at the gym or home. Get moving with more exercise. I can never stress how important working out is. It is the perfect date to good eating. Also sweating at the sauna is excellent for releasing toxins too.
greener smoothie 3. DRINK Organic Raw Green Juice Or Smoothies Everyday. They not only push toxins out of your fat stores, but to provide an abundance of enzymes, vitamins, minerals & phytochemicals. And not to be cheap here but I recommend making your own. Those bottled brands are cool on the go & the smoothie trucks are ok. But hidden within those supposedly healthy options are an insane amount of sugar & even corn syrup.
lemon detox water 4. START Your Day With Water & Lemon. Instead of coffee, lemon water can keep your body alkaline, loosen toxins in the digestive track, stimulate the liver and boost the immune system. Besides water is the best beverage you can put inside of you. If you feat damage to the enamel of your teeth, then the plain stuff will do. Water, although it sounds counterproductive, actually aides in fluid retention & bloating by helping your body flush the toxins that cause it the 1st place.
meditation 5. MEDITATE during some quiet time. This is probably one of the least talked about detox functions. Whether it’s prayer, time alone in a quiet spa or even a quiet chat with a therapist. Removing stress by a detox to your spirit/chi releases all those bad vibes by calming your soul & realigning your cognitive thinking. Trust me, it’ll help alleviate cardiovascular, sexual, mental & gastrointestinal issues. If we would recharge our bodies like we do our phone batteries, we would be A-ok!
Well I am off to take my own advice & get my mind right again. 😜😄.
If you would like to get help putting together a raw food detox food plan, check out The Best of Raw Foods. They have an orgy of useful tools to get you started on eating right. No matter if you’re changing your diet permanently or doing a weekly/monthly detox.
Until next time kiddies,
Shalom!

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Update on my Battle of the Bulge (Getting in Shape)

Hey all…

Weight Loss Journey 1st week
(Last year 2013)

It’s been about a year since I began to spearhead my battle of losing weight! For the better part of a decade I have struggled with my weight immensely. Losing, gaining and  gaining some more!  Suffice to say, the shit was hard and has been hard. I mean there’s tracking food/calorie/carb intake and working out to following simple rules regarding when and when you shouldn’t eat, sleep, etc.  Also throw in some genetic dispositions that make you predisposed to gaining weight and stress itself… well then you have found yourself being not only overweight again but falling off the fitness wagon!

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To all of that I said to myself: SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET OFF YOUR ASS! STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND START KEEP MAKING PROGRESS!

No-Excuses
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I had bad days & busy days, I skipped workouts, ate like shit but at the end of it all,  I found a reason to get back up & at it! I lost weight, gained back, wanted to give up, got discouraged, hell I even faced physical injury (not related to workout/exercise…but from sheer clumsiness on top of an old college-sports injury). But I looked at how far I came and said it would not only be stupid to give up but it would be selfish to all the people I had inspired with my story!

I was not going to sit here and treat this fitness thing, which became my new lifestyle become a fad.

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I tried new and different ways to workout, eat right, etc. all the while on a budget! From the Wii to the Xbox Kinect to walking/jogging to pole dance and cardio classes. I found ways to keep moving!

the hood is my treadmilljust keep moving
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The point of it was to not give up! Hell, even if you want to or feel discouraged, trust me you’re right on track!  I got so motivated I made a fitness group on Facebook! To some I may have seem hyped or overzealous but it was because I was proud of my progress! I may have not hit that 100lb mark I set last year but I still lost 50lbs overall!

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But that wasn’t the kicker. I recently had been going through pictures I was tagged in on Facebook, more so the ones on my mother’s page. I didn’t know if or when she would disable it so I figured I save a few to my phone… besides Thursday was on the rise so I needed a throwback! LOL

Man was I dumb-shocked.

Looking back 3 plus years ago to when I was 30 years old…I  didn’t how big I was & how much progress I had actually made. And it was all because I didn’t give up! I had to keep pushing and not get feel discouraged by the results I thought I couldn’t see immediately. Why because if you’re consistent, you’re making progress. There was not going to be any punishing myself for anything…even if I felt as if I caved! Because the person who truly gives up is the person who never tries again. I workout because I love my body not because I hate it! Anytime I felt like I was pissed off, sad or what have you, I took it out on my workout (if not my writing)!

The current result…
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(Presently that should say 2014)
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Asthma, injury, single-mom, two jobs, one of which I left behind…not to mention all of the other things that could get in the way of doing what I was had to!

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR EXCUSE?

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