poem of thought, 101

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Departing the house of pain and lies filled with rooms of doubt and despair.
I stepped away and looked down at my ashes in my hands, the smoke in my hair.
I kept walking away never stopping to look back, not contemplating one turn
Because I had poured the gasoline, struck the match and watched it all burn.
Was I finally free? I was let go of all your disappointments that led to my stress
All I could look forward now to was my surrender to my own happiness.
No longer would you pollute my sight.  No longer would you cause my tears.
Because I finally found a way to let go of what kept me insane these past years.
I won’t allow you and all that follow you make me prematurely grow old
It’s time I begin the fight to repair my soul.
No longer would I tear pieces of myself away to build you up
No longer would I belittle myself to nothing more than a convenient fuck.
You see I am done with you about as much as I am done with what ruined my past
It’s time for me to take the present and look toward building my better future at last.
I’ve been here before staring at the horizon of bliss
To keep from going back I won’t think of the good I might miss.
Because once I finally let go and found the courage to stand tall through the disdain
I realize that the only good in you was shrouded in selfish means you sought to gain.
I see now that it was a mirage and that the love was all a fraud, a fake
From that overwhelming nightmare, I am now finally awake.
Good bye, I’m gone from here. I see now the lesson I never truly learned
Until  I had poured the gasoline, struck the match and watched it all burn.

#slaveryisover

Bucket List left undone

RANDOM THOUGHTS

un·fin·ished – [ˌənˈfiniSHt]

ADJECTIVE

  1. not finished or concluded; incomplete.

Looking through a few video games and sadly I have yet to finish more than half of them. Not only on my Xbox one but my 360.. Not sure if it’s my natural instinct to procrastinate, the fact I het bored easily or that I get easily attracted to the next shiny new toy but I’m gonna finish at least one of them before the week is out…lol.

Hell I think I even have some unfinished flicks too. Fuck I even have a slew of blog drafts that need to be unearthed not to mention a novel or 2, 3 or shit… 😒.
I got a lot of work to do! Maybe i will start on that kitchen remodel or backyard! 😩😳.
Nonetheless your insomniac has a lot of work to do! 😠

Well til next time kiddies…
Shalom

PS. Hoping to report at least one completed task by then next blog.

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I’m ok… No really I’M NOT OK

 

insomnia

Are you stressed? Are you at your wits end? Are you unhappy? Are you unjustified? Well you are not alone…whether you suck at time management, love, relationships, money or heck even school… You are like the thousands if not millions whose stress levels and blood pressure are through the roof!

stress-blood-pressure

Well I am no doctor or Zen master but I can say there are a few things I and we can do to get through it without a stroke or spontaneously combusting!

Well worry not because the things that stress you will be there regardless if you worry or not.  At least with the latter, you give yourself the opportunity to devise a plan to get away from your stressors!

It doesn’t have to be as pricey as a all-inclusive cruise. It can be a stroll, short drive (if gas level permits).

stress-relax post it

Until Next Time Kiddies…Shalom!

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UNTITLED AND UNAPOLOGETIC

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Be unapologetically you.
Be uncompromised.
Be understanding.
But Be who you were meant to be.

Do not bend your spine in any way that it was not meant to bend.
Do not allow others to devour your spirit.
Do not spare & dissect your happiness or beliefs.
But do unto others as you would like done unto you.

Be Awesome.
Be Amazing.
Be An inspiration
Be Unapologetically You.

Shalom… 😉

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Trapped

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I’ve had a hole in my heart ever since my grandpa died…it got bigger when my grandma passed too. Sometimes I feel more lonely even around people more than I’ve felt in a while… Not knowing how to fill this void makes me so sick. I hate being sad. I had being pissed off or getting pissed off over shit that would’ve barely make me flinch. I hate that I can’t control it. I hate that I don’t feel loved like I was when they were around. I don’t know how to express this rage or whatever it is boiling deep within. I hate that I don’t know how or when to let it out. I hate that I really don’t have the love my grandparents had for each other in my own life. I hate that I’m lost between mourning their memory/legacy & disgracing it.

I feel trapped.

I’m stuck in a series of maneuvers & habits that pass or waste my time instead of enthrall it. I’m luck Bill Murray in Groundhog day… Everyday I wake up, walk the dog, go to work, workout, watch TV & go to bed…all to do again the next day. It all feels meaningless. Often pointless!!! A few interactions here, a few highlights there… But overall nothing more, never more. I’m one bad day away from a regret I can never take back. I don’t want to be miserable… I just want to feel something other than this. Besides misery loves company & who am I to drag another soul into this abyss? I just to smile knowing that there’s a reason for it. I know that my grandparents would want nothing less. I don’t want to squander these days I have left on this planet… I simply want to embrace them again like I did as a child.

Hope for the future is there… I just want to find my way again.

Shalom

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Mid-life Crisis: Guess What? You’re Not in Your 20s Anymore!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Graduation day: Four years of high school & memories made! All the drama & adolescent fun now behind you, your eyes set on a myriad of future possibilities, the world is your oyster and you’re ready to take it on full speed ahead! For some folks it’s a dreams come true.
high-school-graduation
For the rest of us…well…
Fast forward 20 years!!

FUCK!

Here you are sitting at a job you most likely despise to pay bills & buy shit you don’t need for assholes you probably don’t like! Or worst you tried to live your dream & either some stupid mistakes impaled it or your screwed up somewhere. You may be broke or even incarcerated. Maybe it was society? Maybe it was a series if bad decisions. Perhaps peer pressure or just the fucked up possibility that shit just happens!

Either way you’ve come to the realization that your life has passed you by & if you’re lucky it added on about 20 lbs. or so to boot. You’ve maybe even tried to smarten up & save money for a rainy day or special moment. But if life has taught you anything, it’s that you’re caught in a constant shit storm with no umbrella! 💩☔

Cue in mid-life crisis!

It’s that perpetual rat race where you know your strides are longer than everyone else’s & though your legs seem to be longer or moving quicker than most, face it you’re going nowhere & fast!
Things started so well & promising. Shit things may have even faired well for a while but the possibility of poor choices fucked it up for you.
Quite simply you’re unhappy. Everyone else seems to be winning but you. It’s ok though, it gets better. There’s always chocolate cake & ice cream day in the nursing home in about another 40 years or so from now!

What the hell went wrong? Life was so promising!

But there’s hope! The race isn’t over. You still got gas in the tank & there’s life in you yet. Behold there is a God and there is a solution out there somewhere. You just need that proverbial push of motivation to get you back on track.

The way I see it is that your mistakes, setbacks & poor choices or lack thereof (procrastination) have molded you into a much wiser adversary. Now you’re more equipped to deal with life better than the “20-something version of you. You know well the consequences of right & wrong. Hopefully these days you’re the type of person who learns from mistakes instead of dwelling on them or even worse…repeating them. Either way life isn’t over neither is the fight! You’re Rocky after fighting Apollo Creed!

rocky1rocky face

Sure you lost the match but you’re a winner for trying and the fight is far from over…besides you kick ass in the sequel (wink wink) LOL.

rocky  art museum

Well until next time Kiddies,

Shalom 😉

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Eat, Pray, Love (er…Workout)

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Ok if you’re like me… You probably wonder why you have issues losing or controlling your weight. Despite efforts at the gym… Good health is more than just cardio & weights, it’s a lifestyle change that needs to be hit on various fronts!
weight on the scary scale

This is because your body has to fight more than calories, saturated fats & complex carbs; you also have to fend off toxins.

What are these toxins I’m talking about?
toxins

Your body is filled with cancer causing toxins that must be removed. These cancer causing devils can come from food/beverages we take in as well as the environment down to chemicals that are used to clean our homes and manufacture our food. Shit they are even in the air we breathe Even less tangible factors such as stress can be a detriment to us.
venom spiderman

Here are some symptoms that may indicate you could be suffering from an overload of toxins! If that’s the case…then it’s time to detox!

craving sweet donut 1. Craving sugar or binge eating/drinking. Ok I’m not saying you can’t have a cheat-treat every now & again…hell I love my chocolate! But if you find yourself relying on sugary snacks all the time or just to get through the day, your body is not producing energy the way it should. You can boost your metabolism by cleaning out the liver.
Bloated-belly-from-periods 2. Bloating with gas or fluid retention. If you find yourself having to loosen your jeans all the time, unhealthy bacteria could be the culprit… That mess causes the gas to flux & thrive in a toxic body. If you’re retaining water, it’s because your organs in your body are trying to kick out all of the crap inside! It does it’s due diligence to dilute toxins in an effort to make their effects less harmful.
exhausted-woman fatigue 3. Fatigue, low energy & difficulty concentrating. If you find yourself always in Starbucks paying for over priced lattes & not because the cashier working the coffee-machine-thingy is hot 😉… Then chances are toxins are weighing your body down…LITERALLY! Coffee, sodas, & energy drinks can actually add to your body’s toxicity! Your ass needs to clear out all that shit out of your body (no pun intended). The most invigorating drink you can give yourself is WATER.
mood swing pms 4. Mood swings & anxiety. If you’re being a complete bitch & flying off the handle for no reason, chances it could be more than PMS! Serotonin, the feel-good neurotransmitter, is made in our stomach. So when our bodies are toxic, serotonin production often decreases, allowing other parasitic toxins such as ammonia to take over. This can cause anxiety & even depression.
woman holding her head in her hands 5. Migraines. If you’re constantly suffering from migraines & headaches… It could be that toxins, parasites & even jacked up alkaline levels irritating the central nervous system. Stress overload can cause insulin & blood pressure spikes, which can be correlated to toxic build up.
Despite us “feeling” like we are individually different, each human is pretty much the same. We were designed with a purpose, meaning our internal workings respond to all things in a very specific way. Despite us acting stupid on impulses, instinctively we are very smart. Our bodies do their best to process toxins through our liver, kidneys, lungs, & skin. But with the overwhelming amount of toxins in the world, it can put your organs into serious OT! Making healthy choices will not only take stress off of our digestive, circulatory, and lymphatic systems, but will aid in removing this toxic build up.
Here are some tips to help us all get rid of toxins.
woman-eating-salad-healthy 1. EAT Whole, Nutrient-Dense Foods at least 80% of the time. It’s ok to indulge sometimes & have those cheat-treats but not everyday. Put down that donut & grab a damn apple!
Sweat_Workout 2. SWEAT at the gym or home. Get moving with more exercise. I can never stress how important working out is. It is the perfect date to good eating. Also sweating at the sauna is excellent for releasing toxins too.
greener smoothie 3. DRINK Organic Raw Green Juice Or Smoothies Everyday. They not only push toxins out of your fat stores, but to provide an abundance of enzymes, vitamins, minerals & phytochemicals. And not to be cheap here but I recommend making your own. Those bottled brands are cool on the go & the smoothie trucks are ok. But hidden within those supposedly healthy options are an insane amount of sugar & even corn syrup.
lemon detox water 4. START Your Day With Water & Lemon. Instead of coffee, lemon water can keep your body alkaline, loosen toxins in the digestive track, stimulate the liver and boost the immune system. Besides water is the best beverage you can put inside of you. If you feat damage to the enamel of your teeth, then the plain stuff will do. Water, although it sounds counterproductive, actually aides in fluid retention & bloating by helping your body flush the toxins that cause it the 1st place.
meditation 5. MEDITATE during some quiet time. This is probably one of the least talked about detox functions. Whether it’s prayer, time alone in a quiet spa or even a quiet chat with a therapist. Removing stress by a detox to your spirit/chi releases all those bad vibes by calming your soul & realigning your cognitive thinking. Trust me, it’ll help alleviate cardiovascular, sexual, mental & gastrointestinal issues. If we would recharge our bodies like we do our phone batteries, we would be A-ok!
Well I am off to take my own advice & get my mind right again. 😜😄.
If you would like to get help putting together a raw food detox food plan, check out The Best of Raw Foods. They have an orgy of useful tools to get you started on eating right. No matter if you’re changing your diet permanently or doing a weekly/monthly detox.
Until next time kiddies,
Shalom!

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