poem of thought, 101

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Departing the house of pain and lies filled with rooms of doubt and despair.
I stepped away and looked down at my ashes in my hands, the smoke in my hair.
I kept walking away never stopping to look back, not contemplating one turn
Because I had poured the gasoline, struck the match and watched it all burn.
Was I finally free? I was let go of all your disappointments that led to my stress
All I could look forward now to was my surrender to my own happiness.
No longer would you pollute my sight.  No longer would you cause my tears.
Because I finally found a way to let go of what kept me insane these past years.
I won’t allow you and all that follow you make me prematurely grow old
It’s time I begin the fight to repair my soul.
No longer would I tear pieces of myself away to build you up
No longer would I belittle myself to nothing more than a convenient fuck.
You see I am done with you about as much as I am done with what ruined my past
It’s time for me to take the present and look toward building my better future at last.
I’ve been here before staring at the horizon of bliss
To keep from going back I won’t think of the good I might miss.
Because once I finally let go and found the courage to stand tall through the disdain
I realize that the only good in you was shrouded in selfish means you sought to gain.
I see now that it was a mirage and that the love was all a fraud, a fake
From that overwhelming nightmare, I am now finally awake.
Good bye, I’m gone from here. I see now the lesson I never truly learned
Until  I had poured the gasoline, struck the match and watched it all burn.

#slaveryisover

I’m ok… No really I’M NOT OK

 

insomnia

Are you stressed? Are you at your wits end? Are you unhappy? Are you unjustified? Well you are not alone…whether you suck at time management, love, relationships, money or heck even school… You are like the thousands if not millions whose stress levels and blood pressure are through the roof!

stress-blood-pressure

Well I am no doctor or Zen master but I can say there are a few things I and we can do to get through it without a stroke or spontaneously combusting!

Well worry not because the things that stress you will be there regardless if you worry or not.  At least with the latter, you give yourself the opportunity to devise a plan to get away from your stressors!

It doesn’t have to be as pricey as a all-inclusive cruise. It can be a stroll, short drive (if gas level permits).

stress-relax post it

Until Next Time Kiddies…Shalom!

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I Don’t Think Britney Spears’ Song Meant This! (A Bitch Blog)

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I see my friends who range from late 20s to early 40s already embarked on the next chapter in their lives, either in love or their careers. Yet it feels as if I’m starting all over in both. Gladly I have embarked on a sort of financial stability through my own little startup biz and I am pretty much happy for the most part that it is doing well. But on a mushy note, I am like Mary here… You know the song, Share my World.

You know who & what you want. You know how much you’re feeling them & how much you have & would invest in one another. I mean the love is beautiful in its own way.

But this ain’t that kind of blog….

Oops…I think I did it again??!!
BRITNEY_OOPSPardon the series of incorrect punctuation but the real issue here is that I’m sitting here in my car thinking that I may have gotten myself in the same predicament that I normally would bitch about & despise. Not to say I cannot unspin this web of fuckery but I ask myself… Do I really want to? A part of me does but the other half is like NOPE… FUCK IT!
SavedPicture-2013114123724.jpgBut in any event, here I am writing one of my Bitch Blogs that’s not so bitchy but a reflection of sorts! If you’re old enough you probably remember those After-school Specials that used to come on TV. Well there’s always some kid surrounded by dumb shits who try to get him/her to do something dumb like drugs, stealing from the same mom/pop convenient store or premarital sex in their parents bed.
after school special doing drugs

Well here I am that precautious kid who knows the fuck better but those so cliché statements sound so enticingly enthralling, “Try it!” Be one of the cool kids!” “It can’t hurt just this once!” & Blah Blah Blah.

Maybe it’s just me trying to deal with an early mid-life crisis. Maybe I’m being tested for an metaphorical exam I studied for but my partying the night before has me staring at a piece of paper like a stupid schmuck!

I know what I have to offer and better yet what I am worth but it’s as if my focus has been fucking sideswiped. It’s annoying as hell especially for an control freak! Do I channel a higher power? Do I retreat? Stand still? Keep up with the fuckery hoping it’ll change?

Who knows?

I’m never this unsure of things! That being said the catalyst is so not something that would make me go insane but then again I am an indecisive Libra… 😒.

Usually when you have to question your own motives, as our After School monologue would say, chances are it may be your own conscious & reasoning trying to warn you or it could be cold feet! Either way it’s life. You have to experience it to well…experience it! Either way I hope it’s the latter & I’m here to be the guiding light for others.

FUCK!!!!!

WHY CAN’T I JUST WIN THE DAMN POWERBALL OR MEGA MILLIONS?????
would-winning-the-lottery-change-your-lifeLike money would even help… Especially when the part of my life that trades good sex with feelings of love comes crashing. And don’t throw in the fact that it’s more than physical mojo. Companionship isn’t always the type you want or need. Then again sometimes it is.
goodbadWell that’s my thoughts for today… Until next time kiddies, time for me to get started on the next chapter of my next book & my life…again! 😩😒

bitch blog kitty

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What is LOVE exactly?

RANDOM THOUGHTS

How do you define love? Being in love? Do you think you’re capable of trusting someone with your emotional & mental self so completely that you can give all of you to them?

What do you do when you realize that someone has given themselves to you in such a manner?

What does “falling” in love mean in a world that constantly reminds us to “fall back” instead in times of stress or even duress?

Is it this emotion that separates from animals and their instincts? Why do we love objects more than other humans?

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Black Women: We Have to do BETTER! (A B*tch Blog)

And the Red Forman Award of the Day goes to Ghetto Ass Hoodrats/THOTS

dumbassblog 

Rarely do I ever point a judgmental finger at some folks, especially when it comes to classifying an entire group of people. But everyday I am out/about or I’m perusing social media, it pains me to see where we as women of color are failing. It’s not to say all because we are leading the race in secondary education to our male counterparts. Not to mention black American women are bypassing glass ceilings and taking more higher paying jobs. Hell we are even putting back those boxes of relaxer to show off natural hairstyles. But what does it mean for the groups of women I see on a regular basis? It’s not looking so great! We are leading the race on sad statistics like STDs, single parenting, etc.

PAUSE!

Before you read on thinking I am here to bash black women, STOP! I have had first hand experience with the black men who are failing our society who at times make me wanna trade chocolate for vanilla all over again. Seriously the sex-driven, bad-bitch lusting, booty worshipping, lazy, unemployed, deadbeat dad ass dudes are making a piss poor name for a lot of black men who are out here doing the damn thing… I swear you fellas can have your “THOTS” I am near through. I’m looking at my hand in the life game of poker and despite a full house… I am contemplating folding! Want to see why? Click Here on about Wanting to be Single

Check out my blog about the Loveless Nation We Live In or my Deadbeat Parent Blog!

Shit, I know all races/sexes have their embarrassments or socially inept castaways but from what I can tell, our big bad “baddies” are leading the race to downfall! My point isn’t that we are becoming the poster children for the worst of the worst. It is that our shitty behavior is always personified and often magnified as horrible! And sadly on some “Worldstar hiphop shit, it is! “The world is but a stage…” And we are the minstrel-hopping jesters!
black-women-fighting-2[1]

We already have woman bashing individuals who use their status in life as well as social media to downgrade women who wear weaves or are independent. I mean we live in a male-driven misogynistic society…but damn! So why pick on the black female, specifically? We aren’t the only ratchet individuals out there I am sure.

bad girls club
Bad Girls Club
mtv%20jersey%20shore%20fight%20660
Jersey Shore

Yes again some other races/sexes are failing too but am I Caucasian, Asian or a male? NO! So I cannot comment on the state of affairs of such! So where did we go wrong? How can we repair the damage? Well to be honest it’s starts at home! As parents, & caregivers… Oh fuck, as adults… we are showing our children that it is ok to not value family, marriage, settling down or the home itself. It is okay to sleep around despite the risk of disease. We are showing them that the aspect of being a spouse is “uncool!” Something as simple as family dinner has become a fading memory in the black community. When the fuck did that happen?

Quite simply, we are teaching our already fucked up youth that is ok to run wild, self-hate and worst have zero fucking accountability for it all.
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I mean I hate to get all Biblical or theological but I can’t go a day without thinking about my late grandmother’s warning about these being the last days.  I mean to be immoral and full of non-love is the “in” thing to do.  I remember when I was on my abstinent kick… I got the teased and often looked at like I had AIDS.  It was hard to fathom that I no longer got drunk or high anymore.  When I tell folks I prefer reading, watching the CW or cartoons to reality TV shows, I swear I’m supposed to turn in my race card somewhere.

When did we trade “I’m black & I’m proud” for “Turn up”?
black proud womenvs.strip club turn up

Nonetheless, it brings me back to my original conclusion of our women.  Afros were traded for weaves.  Clothes that flaunted our curves modestly were traded for trashy next to nothingness that pervaded the result of poor dieting.

Little girls wanted to be doctors when they grew up and now they aspire to be strippers or porn stars.
african-american-female-doctor vs. 563_1000

Home Economics of learning to cook or clean were traded for tutorials on how to twerk and hood fight videos. I swore I wrote about this before…lol! Yeah gender roles change often but you still need to know how to Act Like a Lady! Remember being from the ghetto doesn’t mean You Have to Be Ghetto
black-girls-twerking[1]

Funny I never thought that being a ho instead of a housewife would mean you were winning. I mean look how we glorify the role of being a side chick. We have moved to idolizing sex and money these days.  I am just hoping that this doesn’t lead to the destruction of civilization like it did in the Old Testament… That would be scary…
end-of-the-world
scary….
Well til later kiddies!

bitch blog kitty

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Loveless Nation (A B*tch Blog)

I was sitting back thinking about a picture I posted on my Instagram page.
love pic repostlove pic screenshot

It really had me thinking on my current situations as well as that of so many others going on. So many people content on being options and not anything more. Folks flaunting cheating, infidelity, promiscuity and nothing but lust that love itself has become “Played out” these days. It’s not to say that it doesn’t exist because I have so many friends who are hitched or at the very least committed to one person…without it seeming like it’s weird. I probably have said it so many times that it’s becoming a broken record. But it makes my stomach sick.

Why/How has this lack of love thing become ok? When did the world decide to become so caught up in physical, temporary fixes that anything with the possibility of becoming real seemed corny by the masses? I look at some people who claim that it is ok to have a main chick/dude and something on the side. Then I look at the people who are capable of providing a commitment who don’t or can’t provide much else. Lastly then you have the people in a relationship or marriage that couldn’t be more miserable.

I hate to get theological but this world is going to Hell…quick, fast and in a hurry. No stops, no returns!
to_hell_in_a_handbasket

The sickening part are the ones who are like myself have had chances for something real with someone real have turned around and blindly confuse with someone who is not.  I tend to find all of the qualities I want in one individual only to successfully find out that this person has some other agenda, a waste of time and isn’t the one at all.  Only to look back down the road at the choices I have to live with now. It’s ironic that the guys I met/dated earlier in life have moved on and settle down with someone else.  Then I sit back with the “that could’ve been me” face!
this could be us

Not to say that they didn’t want me or wasn’t good but I let my own foolishness & pride get in the way. I have this talent for always choosing the right one at the wrong time or the wrong one at the right time… or what the fuck ever! I am stuck between never being satisfied and always wanting what I am not supposed to have. All in all, I just want this…
fairytale_wedding
Or heck even this….
shrek fairytale wedding

Sadly, I have no one but myself to blame. I see folks happy and say that’s all I want. Why not me? And then I realize I had my chance and ruined it to the point that now I just want to be alone anyhow. Back to square one of chasing my own tail and stuck with confusing my wants for my needs and not wanting those who want me.
who-could-never-love-me-back

I keep telling myself I want and need to get married yet I keep landing myself in situations that bring further away from that goal….Bringing me back to the conclusion that we are a loveless nation.

Fucktarded shit to the fullest! No worries though.. I am not gonna off myself or seclude myself! I am just gonna sit back and enjoy life. And maybe, just maybe if Yahweh brings me someone I need… I wont be too dumb to see it nor hopefully will I let Mr. Wrong get in the way…again! I know the signs and I’ve always known better from the word go! I just never listen until the proverbial: “I told you so!” At least I have the good sense to know I fucked up! I just want to show my daughter I can make better decisions!

Anyway til later folks…
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Side Chicks! Side Dudes! (A B*tch Blog)

(Warning: This blog contains more than the usual explicit language)

Grinds-my-gears1

I guess it would be fitting to have my first blog in a few weeks since my layoff last month to be well a bitch blog! These last few days on social media, tv and well in the hood! I am starting to see a trend where infidelity seems to be the “it” thing to do! I mean even my ex was heading down that path when he propositioned, despite him having a current lady-friend. Shit it even resulted in a phone call from her. I wasn’t until she looked at me responses to his texts that she realized, I ain’t that type of chick!

Don’t get me wrong I am totally against any form of adultery or cheating. My faith aside, I think it’s just retarded. Especially if you can just remain alone altogether. But that isn’t the root of my issues with the shit. It’s is the butterfly effect that it has caused. Dudes don’t know how to approach ladies as a result.

I have said it time and time again that we as women have to be more accountable for the way we settle in relationships or lack thereof. We can’t get mad at men for being dogs if we throw the kitty out there all easy. But that isn’t my main gripe. Nowadays the notion of settling down is becoming extinct. And the loyal are a dying breed!

I hate the fact that because of the glorification of side pieces, I am constantly approached as such.

scandal-show

Do I dress scantily clad? NO

Do I carry myself as a ho? NO

Do I look like I want to be bothered while jogging with my pittbull? NO

As a matter of fact I swear if another nigga (yeah I said the N word), approaches me next time around and the first thing he asks me for is sex without even fucking knowing my name is getting a damn black eye! And if it’s on social media, you’re getting an ear full!

Look, to me sex is easy to come across. I don’t have to work hard to get it. If you have a decent face & body (Like I am working towards), it’s rather simple. Shit, you need not do anything, most guys will want to hit. Most people settle so easily that you honestly need only a warm wet hole to thrust in. I’ve seen some of y’all baby moms & dads… yeah I am going to say nothing more on that, except: SHABBA!

shabba

Nowadays sex available on display from half of you trife ass bitches! I mean you broads are basically putting prostitutes out of work by giving up free pussy so easily. There was a time where the sex was a tad of a challenge or at best something to look forward to like an auto loan or winning lottery ticket. Unless you wanted fast and not so good shit to suffice (you paid for it). Not even the threat of STDs scares you fuckers. As long as the side piece don’t get knocked, you’re ok with stroking her raw.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Damn even Hookers are smarter than you male/female hoes!

hookers

Random chicks looking somewhat ok can approach you, pull your dick out, let you hit without a condom and have your dick looking like burnt cauliflower the next day…

Shit is crazy how I can get laid quicker than I can catch the next express train. I mean damn I swear do you niggas even try? Do you ask ladies on dates anymore? I don’t know. I don’t get it honestly. This society has become filthy and is headed for destruction.  Pay attention to all these zombie and epidemic type movies that are coming out. The shit is getting real out here.  Disease if not some other type of shear ignorance will be the demise of the American Human race!

Contaigon-Movie

But what will really roast your nuts is the fact side pieces aside, cheating isn’t because you’re dissatisfied or that your partner doesn’t have enough to offer.  I took a close look at the types of guys unwilling to settle (oh you thought I was coming at female hoes?) HAHA. Anyway most guys our here without a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out from the guy with a career, credit, teeth, car, etc have more in common than intangible bullshit (or lack thereof). Think closely about a guy who says there isn’t one woman who can please him… Does he have what it takes to please her ON ALL LEVELS, sexually, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and yes financially?

loyal relationships

Chances are he’s missing out on something if not all these things. He may feel inadequacies somewhere and as a result feels he has shit to offer a lady so why settle with one? Or devote himself entirely to one? Overcompensating is the greatest & worst partnership for the male ego. Some of you dudes are just too dumb to see. I asked a guy once why wouldn’t he be with one girl, despite her doing everything to try to make him happy. His response was retarded but made sense as to why he claims he never wants to settle down!  Emotionally he is like most men devoid and impotent.  I am guessing he like so many have given up on love itself or simply to scared shitless to try on it.

Today’s fidelity problems & misconceptions in a nutshell:

Women:
I can’t get a man of my own so I will plot on another woman’s;
Men sleep around, so can I;
I’m gonna do what the next bitch won’t;
These niggas/dogs ain’t shit;
It’s my body so I don’t give a fuck;
He said he’s leaving his girl for me;
I’m trapping one of these balling ass (financially stable) dudes
…the list goes on…

Men:
She threw the pussy at me;
I love my girl but she don’t make me happy or she nags too much;
I don’t love these hoes;
These bitches ain’t shit;
Polygamy used to be cool in the old days; (the worst excuse)
She wants the dick;
I’m single for life;

I could go on but the list of excuses of why folks lack loyalty is infinite. But I will comment on that some other day!

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Til later kiddies…

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